I'm not as old as you anymore.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009, 10:33 PM
without touch,
you've made me turn crimson at the littlest things you say.
without sound,
you've taught my heart to sing and wander.
without actions,
you've shown me love.
you're like a fever I want to let linger.
just let it hurt for a bit longer.
you've turned my mind into a carousel.
golden lights shoot off mirrors and carriages.
spinning and spinning,
a combination a deliria and esctacy.
As I lay here, I love silently,
I take in a deep breath, and you tell me to hold it.
Because the best is yet to come.
I wish you all the love in the world,
happy birthday.
rokkugo!
Monday, November 09, 2009, 7:24 AM
my boyfriend's pretty.
my boyfriend's heart is prettier.
Today is D-day. I think I'm going to cry later after my oral presentation because it just symbolises the end of practically the entire of my project work life (screw I&R). The guys have just been so nice to me. I can't imagine another bunch of people I'd rather work with. Sure I'm the only girl, and sure sometimes I feel really small and feel unable to speak my mind, but hello, these boys are some of the nicest in the world.
I'll get all sappy about it later kay.
Yesterday, we all had a self-instigated class rehearsal at Dinesh's house. I met Dalston who could barely walk (HANDSOME, PLEASE GET BETTER) and Yue Hao. Dalston, my suave group member swooped over with a taxi to pick me and Yue Hao up.
I swear whatever Dinesh's relatives were cooking in the kitchen was driving me insane. I wanted it so bad. I had cravings for Indian food since then. I want briyani again. I cannot believe I'm saying this even after I went to ZamZam with the guys to eat fried chicken briyani and went for an Arab wedding after.
OMG THE ARAB WEDDING WAS SO HYPED UP.
I've been to a lot of Arab Weddings before but this one took the cake. Firstly, I just realised that I am one eighth Bajrai, which is an Arab Family kind of thing. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. I bear no Arabic features whatsoever. Everyone there was so beautiful and exotic. Even the guys.
The bride was stunning in a full length snow white wedding gown embroided with millions of sequins and beads. I vowed to have a gown just like that when I get married. Actually you don't actually need to get married to wear something like that right? I mean, you can wear it to like... your sister's wedding or something. heehee.
There was dancing too! Oh my goodness I wanted to join in the dancing but dad said it was only for men. That didn't stop me from watching. Though the song sounded like it was never going to end, the dancing was still so full of energy. Everyone's favourite part was when the eldest woman of the family stood up, went to the dancefloor and started dancing with the guys. Some of which could most probably have been her great grandchildren or something.
baik kappa.
okay I'm going to go eat an egg sandwich for luck now.
bye.
make me proud future me.
Thursday, November 05, 2009, 11:04 PM
Today was a day invested with a turmoil of emotions and such. It's kind of hard to wrap my head around the whole day because there were just so many things that happened. There were some tears, yet some stomach-curling laughter. How do I summarise my day in one word? It's impossible to call it neutral because it was far from it. It was inflatory. That's the word. Very, very inflatory.
Ms. Lai's words really struck a chord in me. I'm not going to say that she was demoralising or brutal or whatever because I think, wait I know, that she has our best interests at heart as a principal. I really really want to do well at everything I do. But, how can I when I'm participating in all manner of events? You might be saying, 'oh namira. just drop a couple of stuff, then.' It's so difficult even I can't believe it.
I don't want all my efforts to go to waste. I don't want little Namira from the past having a sucky future after all she's done. Ugh, you know what, I'm not even going to go there anymore. It's meant for silent contemplation in my mind instead of a vulgar outburst on a blog.
Today I had dance practice with the house committee. It was super fun and super awesome because we got to use the dance studio. In the entire house committee, I was the only one who is involved with the Performing Arts CCA. So I was bragging about how the studio was my floorball pitch or my football field. I wonder how long I can keep that up for.
Not only was it a dance practice, but it really gave us a chance to chat for a bit and even play a bit of karaoke party. My house committee members rock.
I must focus on the things that make me happy in my life. My family, my 09S104, superjunior, dancing, my house committee, my best friends (some of which I never get to see. SORRY SISKA.), and of course, love. yes, love.
What are YOU living for? Friendship? Love? The way I see it, they're just plastic decorations you set up to make your life look more interesting and less pitiful. I feel sorry for you.
tired but tired.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009, 7:00 AM
What a week! I'm not going to complain though because it's only... Monday. I'm really looking forward to this week because it's going to be uber crazy. Oh shit I just remember that me and Emmanuel, that sweetheart, have to do the proposal for the MMM thing. EMMANUEL! CALL ME!
SO I've been really caught up in the whole PW/DANCE DILEMMA/OGL/HOUSE COMM mess but I'm finding my way out. Honestly, if it weren't for my beloved house committee members, I'd be lost right now. And they make my life insane. Which is just the way I like it.
I really hope I can get my mind right to settle myself down and academically prepare myself for the year ahead. Oh yeah, I got promoted. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT BECAUSE I CAN'T.
check you later.
when you take yourself seriously, I'll try my best to do the same.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009, 10:37 PM
I'm exhausted. I really am tired. My arms ache from typing too much. Faiz got so happy when he realised he could type without looking at the keyboard. I've typed so much in my life that I can close my eyes and type at the same time. You might assume I'm complimenting myself here but to be perfectly honest, it just shows you the amount of time I spend in front of the computer. And it's very annoying.
I don't really know what's keeping me alive at this moment. I don't know whether it's the anticipation of all the stuff coming up or whether I'm just staying alive because I have to.
Warning: I'm about to incoherently babble like a chicken now. I don't think you'd want to pay attention.
When I look at the way I see my life, I like to look at things that are bothering me. For instance, if I lied to someone, I would find it difficult to sleep at night because I'd be tosssing and turning, hungrily wondering whether or not there's a chance he or she might find out about it. Subconsciously, my phyical habits are attributed to the fact that I am indeed a very emotional person that constantly finds herself in the deepest of shit holes.
I don't know how to not fall apart. My mind has been wandering aimlessly, etched to an unknown goal or destination that seems to keep me going. I'd say I'm hanging on to something but I really don't know what.
I think we've reached the age where we begin to see our lives as a gift we are obligated to receive. The things we do don't necessarily amount to anything presently or in the future. What are we rooting for exactly? God knows I really want to know.
So I guess what we have to do focus on the things that make our life worth living instead of brooding on why. For me, the companionship of my beloved friends and family are the very reason why I keep going even though my head doesn't want to. I might not have anything to look forward to now, but everyday, I wake up and think 'Damn it I wish today was Sunday.'
I lied to someone today.
It wasn't a huge lie but it was a lie. And I told it to someone, I've only recently began to trust. I don't know if he or she would pursue the truth or just perceive it the way I told him or her. I really hope its the latter because I really cannot handle anymore bullshit in my life. I don't want to hurt this person. But, I have to make decisions nowadays that I'm not so proud of.
You might think I'm brooding now. But the way I see it, I'm trying to console myself. Reasons she won't find out:
1. They work on different levels.
2. She barely knows him.
3. He barely knows her.
4. I'm not that interesting anyway.
5. She's probably really busy so I doubt she'll press on the matter.
6. She's her and not HER.
7. I think she forgot his name because I kind of on purpose mumbled it when she asked for it.
8. Maybe he won't be there tomorrow. By the time they even see each other's faces, she'd have totally forgotten about our dark conversation and it would never ever ever ever be brought up again.
I don't feel better. But I feel less worse.
which is good.
TO-DO-LIST:
cheograph another six eights
script
die
come back to life
die again
from the cheeky boy in chapman.
Sunday, October 25, 2009, 10:53 PM
Continue After Me...
My name is.... Namira Binte Abdul Nasir.
I think my name on my next life would be.... hmm something more imaginative than tom.. like, Summer Days. OMG that is soo cool.
I keep some memories.... on a notice board in my room. Anything ranging from movie tickets, nice napkins from diners and restaurants in America. Neoprints (God those were the times.) Hari Raya to-do-lists. Receipts from different countries, musical advertisements from Las Vegas.
If I would have kept... all the bottle caps of different bottles of cokes I drank from all over the world, I'd be able to construct a boat that would be able to ship the entire population of China from Hong Kong to Sydney.
I think we go to school to.... meet smarter people to gain more reality checks.
I secretly hate.... when people put their chins on my shoulders when they're leaning on me. This happens alot I don't know why. It's so tickly and I feel like bursting into humiliating laughter everytime someone does this to me its so embarrassing. It's such a weird feeling.
One think you have to know about me is.... though I may seem to enjoy the spotlight and social environments, I prefer to avoid them. I mean, I can function perfectly fine when the time calls for it, but the whole idea of cliques and groups actually turn me off. I think everybody should just be friends with everybody so that there won't be all that social hierachy nonsense.
My habit is to.... not look at people when I'm talking to them. I don't like to establish or sustain eye contact with people it's plain freaky. Then people say I'm not listening to them SHEESH. when I'm not looking at you, I'm paying deep attention. BUT, when I'm looking at you, I still am paying attention... just less attention.
If i could turn back time i would.... turn back time again.
My fantasy celebrity would be..JOHNNY DEPP.
2nd ANY HOT PLASTIC KOREAN BOYBAND MEMBER. preferably one that can dance like a GOD and has nice hair. like EUNHYUK OR KEY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
3rd ANY HOT PLASTIC KOREAN BOYBAND MEMBER. he doesn't have to dance like a God, just nice hair.
The most ridiculous thing I've ever done is.... flicked my shoe off the roof of the Esplanade until it landed outside the Esplanade library.
I love watching.... korean boys.
I do whatever.... my mother wants me to do because my mother rocks.
I have difficulties.... speaking without an accent. DARN ALL OF YOU WHO THINK ITS FAKE.
I think that I am.... lonely too. I may have alot of friends that may or may not like me for who I am, but when it really boils down to it, I really am lonely. Everyday, I realise how I've been throwing away precious time on people who don't even care about me and just pretend that they do. I've been surrounding myself with social hungry monsters who end up talking smack about me just because they can and they know. If it weren't for my best friends, I would be very very lonely. I just need to know that there is someone out there for me, who wants me for me and not for something they'd get just by being with me.
In 5 years time I will see myself in...university. I don't think so, I know it.
or... heehee. or? you tell me.
the levitation operation.
10:29 PM
hey ya'll. I didn't really mention this before, or did I, but I recently borrowed a Korean Phrase Book from the school library about a week and a half ago. Its due date is almost up in about three days which most probably means I'm going to return it about a week from now. Yes, the effects of irresponsibility.
So, it wouldn't be like me to just read that book and return it. I must apply it somehow. I must do something out of the ordinary with it. Books were meant for more than just to be read and tossed aside. There must be some form of sustained effect.
so.
I wrote a story. It's pretty awesome. There's more than one part to it but the phrases used are 100% taken from the phrase book. I didn't make any of this up. My mastery of the Korean language has evidently improved and yet, this was just for the fun of it.
the story is called: I like them Plastic.
remember this title? heehee. if you don't, scroll down and CHECK IT OUT.
Part one: THE BIG MEETING.
Namira: Anneyeonghaseyo, jeoneun Namira immida. (Hello. I'm Namira.)
Hot Korean Guy: Anneyeong. (Hello there.)
Namira: ireumi mweoyo? (What's your name?)
Hot Korean Guy: je ireumeun EunHyuk (my favourite superjunior member.) immida. (My name is EunHyuk.)
Namira: hangul mareun jeonhyeo. (I know very little Korean.)
Hot Korean Guy: Ah Haha! manaseo ban-gapseummida. *flashes hot smile*(Ah Haha! Very nice to meet you.)
Namira: *faints* algesseoyo? (Do you understand me?)
Hot Korean Guy: De. (Yes.)
Namira: mihonieyo. (I'm single.)
Hot Korean Guy: *winks* (GOD IF THIS HAPPENED IN REAL LIFE I WOULD JUST DIE.)
Part two: THE BIG DATE (Part I)
Namira: Eunhyuk anneyeong! (Hello Eunhyuk!)
Eunhyuk: Anneyeong. Nalssi cham jochi anayo? (Hello. Isn't it a lovely day?)
Namira: De. Changmun jjoge anjado doelkkayo? (Yes. Can have a seat by the window?)
Eunhyuk: Ne, dwaetseoyo. Mwo masillaeyo? (Yes, of course. What would you like to drink?)
Namira: Alkool seongbun eomneun geoseuro juseyo. (Something non-alcoholic please.)
Eunhyuk: Joeun saeng-gagieyo. Geunsahandeyo. Seuki jangbiga cham jonneyo. (Good idea. You look great. I like your ski outfit.)
Namira: *blushes* Gomawoyo. Dangsin cham joeun saramieyo. (Thank you. You're very nice.)
Eunhyuk: Beol malsseumeulyo. jeongmal bogo sipeosseoyo. (Don't mention it. I've missed you so much.)
Namira: (mutters really softly.) igeon andwaeyo. (This is no good.)
Eunhyuk: mwoyeoyo? (What?)
Namira: aniyo, amugeotdo. hwajangsireun eodie isseoyo? (No, nothing. Where's the restroom?)
HAHA.
darn you murphy.
Friday, October 23, 2009, 5:57 PM
Murphy's Law could not have chosen a worse time to pop up. It's five forty one pm and our Written Report is still sitting here beside me and not with the board of officials of the Project Work Committee because our soft copy refuses to materialise. Right now, my group leader, Kenneth, is joining efforts with Mr. Ng so that hopefully, our WR would magically appear in the disk we're supposed to hand up.
Everybody's tired. We've been zooming all over the place for God knows what. Printing and binding, it's been a race for a less than satisfactory position. The real question is, are we going to cross the finish line at all? We're so near, yet so far. (ALAMAK SO CLICHE.)
....
...
..
.
OMG. IT'S OVER. WE DID IT. THE DOCUMENT CHOSE TO APPEAR AND NOW IT'S IN THE HANDS OF THE PROJECT WORK COMMITTEE WHO WILL DECIDE OUR FATE. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS BUT OUR PROJECT EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS (EE) ALL THE WAY IN TERMS OF EFFORT AND HOURS OF SLEEP BLOODY SACRIFICED.
two thousand nine hundred and forty eight words.
ninety three pages. (you heard me.)
about seventy two hours of sleep foregone.
countless scoldings from our parents. (well mine at least.)
two viruses that got into my laptop.
a new developed love for school laptops.
four handsome, charming and unbelievable teammates whose efforts I truly appreciate from the bottom of my heart.
and its over.
ORAL PRESENTATION IS NEXT THOUGH.
but I'm not worrying. we're going to OWN IT.
