The lyrics are pretty simple. No one would actually sing this song in English because the lyrics just don't flow and well, it doesn't rhyme. Plus they're not romantic enough. But as you can hear in Korean, the singer sings it with such raw emotion that it hurts anyone listening to it.

I guess only Connie and I know how much this song symbolises hurt in the Korean drama we both adore which is, You're Beautiful. I guess we can never truly understand or feel what Hwang Tae Kyung or Go Mi Nam/Nyu or especially Shin Woo or even Jeremy goes through when this song starts lingering in the background. But you can bet that a box of tissues are in order.

I'm leaving for Korea in two hours. After which I hope to come back with a sound and rational mind. While hope and fantasy may delight or bring us satisfaction, we all know that it is only temporary. We need accidents or crashes to bring us down to boring old reality. I never realised that until yesterday, when reality slapped me in the face.

It is inevitable. Girls like Jandi or Go Mi Nyu don't even have to try. They can be whoever they want to be, even themselves, and boys come crashing into them. And they're mostly, rich, astonishingly handsome, kind, charming, tall, handsome little buggers who breaks the hearts of every other girl other than the very girl who doesn't want them.

I guess you either have to be living in a fantasy drama or South Korea for that to happen. Who knows, maybe I'll even bring back my own Shin Woo back to Singapore since all the ungrateful Go Mi Nyu bitches in South Korea don't want him.

Dear God,

Let me be happy.

In a way you could say I'm feeling upset. Yet when I try and piece it all together, do I have reason to be? I tried and tried but for what? What have I achieved thus far? Some of you might be laughing at me now but never did I once think that I minded being laughed at. The feeling now is so indescribable, it's amazing. I walk around with this cloud over my head and wish I could just shoo it away.
 What have you done to me? This was not what I wanted.
But you wanted it.

I suppose, looking back, there have been alot of times when I said I was fine when I actually wasn't. There were many times I lied because I didn't want things to change, neither did I want things to part. Looking back, there were so many things I wanted to ask, so many questions in my head but I wouldn't ask them fearing what you would say. How you would react.

I guess I know now that I should never be myself with you. You are amazing, witty and charming. But you're a heartbreaker. All I can do now is look back. You'll realize one day, that the very reason why this happened, is the very reason you promised to stay for long.

Loved is the worst word anyone could ever use.

In case you're wondering what those words mean in Korean, it means It's You. Neorago.

How such small sayings could bear so much depth and emotions is beyond me. I could never manifest such expressions without going overboard. Which makes me wonder how Super Junior does it. Haha. Before you go all HADI LEE and say 'what the heck they don't even write their own songs,' let me first say that they sing it okay? And that's good enough for me.

Yesterday was utter brilliance. I know I use those two words in vain often but really, it was nothing short of amazing fun. I never knew that being able to lead an entire house could be so much fun! And I got to teach them one of the things I love doing which is dancing.

It was really gratifying when people came up to me to tell me that the dance was really great and that they had real fun doing it as a house. I can't wait for the next practice it's going to be mindblowing.

PHOBOS THE BEST GIVE ME A HELL YEAH.

I hate people who judge people instantly. The type that mocks people the second they look at them. People who go 'OMG that minah is such a bitch look at her eyeliner it's so stupid.' when they are wearing even stupider eyeliner and are acting even more like minahs.

I hate people who go around saying everyone sucks when they themselves don't see themselves for who they are. When you think the whole world sucks other than your boyfriend, you know somewhere in your mind, something is really really screwed up or its just that people hate your face and you have to take it out somewhere.

CAMP WAS GREAT BY THE WAY. NOBODY HATED ME AT CAMP. IT'S HONESTLY SO REFRESHING. NEW BEST FRIENDS ROCK.

Today is D-day. I think I'm going to cry later after my oral presentation because it just symbolises the end of practically the entire of my project work life (screw I&R). The guys have just been so nice to me. I can't imagine another bunch of people I'd rather work with. Sure I'm the only girl, and sure sometimes I feel really small and feel unable to speak my mind, but hello, these boys are some of the nicest in the world.

I'll get all sappy about it later kay.


Yesterday, we all had a self-instigated class rehearsal at Dinesh's house. I met Dalston who could barely walk (HANDSOME, PLEASE GET BETTER) and Yue Hao. Dalston, my suave group member swooped over with a taxi to pick me and Yue Hao up.

I swear whatever Dinesh's relatives were cooking in the kitchen was driving me insane. I wanted it so bad. I had cravings for Indian food since then. I want briyani again. I cannot believe I'm saying this even after I went to ZamZam with the guys to eat fried chicken briyani and went for an Arab wedding after.

OMG THE ARAB WEDDING WAS SO HYPED UP.

I've been to a lot of Arab Weddings before but this one took the cake. Firstly, I just realised that I am one eighth Bajrai, which is an Arab Family kind of thing. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. I bear no Arabic features whatsoever. Everyone there was so beautiful and exotic. Even the guys.

The bride was stunning in a full length snow white wedding gown embroided with millions of sequins and beads. I vowed to have a gown just like that when I get married. Actually you don't actually need to get married to wear something like that right? I mean, you can wear it to like... your sister's wedding or something. heehee.


There was dancing too! Oh my goodness I wanted to join in the dancing but dad said it was only for men. That didn't stop me from watching. Though the song sounded like it was never going to end, the dancing was still so full of energy. Everyone's favourite part was when the eldest woman of the family stood up, went to the dancefloor and started dancing with the guys. Some of which could most probably have been her great grandchildren or something.

baik kappa.
okay I'm going to go eat an egg sandwich for luck now.






bye.

Today was a day invested with a turmoil of emotions and such. It's kind of hard to wrap my head around the whole day because there were just so many things that happened. There were some tears, yet some stomach-curling laughter. How do I summarise my day in one word? It's impossible to call it neutral because it was far from it. It was inflatory. That's the word. Very, very inflatory.

Ms. Lai's words really struck a chord in me. I'm not going to say that she was demoralising or brutal or whatever because I think, wait I know, that she has our best interests at heart as a principal. I really really want to do well at everything I do. But, how can I when I'm participating in all manner of events? You might be saying, 'oh namira. just drop a couple of stuff, then.' It's so difficult even I can't believe it.

I don't want all my efforts to go to waste. I don't want little Namira from the past having a sucky future after all she's done. Ugh, you know what, I'm not even going to go there anymore. It's meant for silent contemplation in my mind instead of a vulgar outburst on a blog.

Today I had dance practice with the house committee. It was super fun and super awesome because we got to use the dance studio. In the entire house committee, I was the only one who is involved with the Performing Arts CCA. So I was bragging about how the studio was my floorball pitch or my football field. I wonder how long I can keep that up for.

Not only was it a dance practice, but it really gave us a chance to chat for a bit and even play a bit of karaoke party. My house committee members rock.

I must focus on the things that make me happy in my life. My family, my 09S104, superjunior, dancing, my house committee, my best friends (some of which I never get to see. SORRY SISKA.), and of course, love. yes, love.




What are YOU living for? Friendship? Love? The way I see it, they're just plastic decorations you set up to make your life look more interesting and less pitiful. I feel sorry for you.

What a week! I'm not going to complain though because it's only... Monday. I'm really looking forward to this week because it's going to be uber crazy. Oh shit I just remember that me and Emmanuel, that sweetheart, have to do the proposal for the MMM thing. EMMANUEL! CALL ME!

SO I've been really caught up in the whole PW/DANCE DILEMMA/OGL/HOUSE COMM mess but I'm finding my way out. Honestly, if it weren't for my beloved house committee members, I'd be lost right now. And they make my life insane. Which is just the way I like it.

I really hope I can get my mind right to settle myself down and academically prepare myself for the year ahead. Oh yeah, I got promoted. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT BECAUSE I CAN'T.

check you later.

My life is not a fascination worth the scrutiny of those who watch over me. Yet, I live amongst thin air and sparkling personalities. I am an avid fan of the KoreanPop scene. So bring me to the number thirteen.

♥♥

HULABAGI

♥

Siska(HU)

♥

Mary(LA)

♥

Syaf(BA)

♥

OMG09S104!

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