I'm exhausted. I really am tired. My arms ache from typing too much. Faiz got so happy when he realised he could type without looking at the keyboard. I've typed so much in my life that I can close my eyes and type at the same time. You might assume I'm complimenting myself here but to be perfectly honest, it just shows you the amount of time I spend in front of the computer. And it's very annoying.

I don't really know what's keeping me alive at this moment. I don't know whether it's the anticipation of all the stuff coming up or whether I'm just staying alive because I have to.

Warning: I'm about to incoherently babble like a chicken now. I don't think you'd want to pay attention.

When I look at the way I see my life, I like to look at things that are bothering me. For instance, if I lied to someone, I would find it difficult to sleep at night because I'd be tosssing and turning, hungrily wondering whether or not there's a chance he or she might find out about it. Subconsciously, my phyical habits are attributed to the fact that I am indeed a very emotional person that constantly finds herself in the deepest of shit holes.

I don't know how to not fall apart. My mind has been wandering aimlessly, etched to an unknown goal or destination that seems to keep me going. I'd say I'm hanging on to something but I really don't know what.

I think we've reached the age where we begin to see our lives as a gift we are obligated to receive. The things we do don't necessarily amount to anything presently or in the future. What are we rooting for exactly? God knows I really want to know.

So I guess what we have to do focus on the things that make our life worth living instead of brooding on why. For me, the companionship of my beloved friends and family are the very reason why I keep going even though my head doesn't want to. I might not have anything to look forward to now, but everyday, I wake up and think 'Damn it I wish today was Sunday.'

I lied to someone today.
It wasn't a huge lie but it was a lie. And I told it to someone, I've only recently began to trust. I don't know if he or she would pursue the truth or just perceive it the way I told him or her. I really hope its the latter because I really cannot handle anymore bullshit in my life. I don't want to hurt this person. But, I have to make decisions nowadays that I'm not so proud of.

You might think I'm brooding now. But the way I see it, I'm trying to console myself. Reasons she won't find out:

1. They work on different levels.
2. She barely knows him.
3. He barely knows her.
4. I'm not that interesting anyway.
5. She's probably really busy so I doubt she'll press on the matter.
6. She's her and not HER.
7. I think she forgot his name because I kind of on purpose mumbled it when she asked for it.
8. Maybe he won't be there tomorrow. By the time they even see each other's faces, she'd have totally forgotten about our dark conversation and it would never ever ever ever be brought up again.


I don't feel better. But I feel less worse.
which is good.


TO-DO-LIST:
cheograph another six eights
script
die
come back to life
die again

Continue After Me...


My name is.... Namira Binte Abdul Nasir.

I think my name on my next life would be.... hmm something more imaginative than tom.. like, Summer Days. OMG that is soo cool.

I keep some memories.... on a notice board in my room. Anything ranging from movie tickets, nice napkins from diners and restaurants in America. Neoprints (God those were the times.) Hari Raya to-do-lists. Receipts from different countries, musical advertisements from Las Vegas.

If I would have kept... all the bottle caps of different bottles of cokes I drank from all over the world, I'd be able to construct a boat that would be able to ship the entire population of China from Hong Kong to Sydney.
I think we go to school to.... meet smarter people to gain more reality checks.

I secretly hate.... when people put their chins on my shoulders when they're leaning on me. This happens alot I don't know why. It's so tickly and I feel like bursting into humiliating laughter everytime someone does this to me its so embarrassing. It's such a weird feeling.

One think you have to know about me is.... though I may seem to enjoy the spotlight and social environments, I prefer to avoid them. I mean, I can function perfectly fine when the time calls for it, but the whole idea of cliques and groups actually turn me off. I think everybody should just be friends with everybody so that there won't be all that social hierachy nonsense.

My habit is to.... not look at people when I'm talking to them. I don't like to establish or sustain eye contact with people it's plain freaky. Then people say I'm not listening to them SHEESH. when I'm not looking at you, I'm paying deep attention. BUT, when I'm looking at you, I still am paying attention... just less attention.
If i could turn back time i would.... turn back time again.

My fantasy celebrity would be..JOHNNY DEPP.

2nd ANY HOT PLASTIC KOREAN BOYBAND MEMBER. preferably one that can dance like a GOD and has nice hair. like EUNHYUK OR KEY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

3rd ANY HOT PLASTIC KOREAN BOYBAND MEMBER. he doesn't have to dance like a God, just nice hair.

The most ridiculous thing I've ever done is.... flicked my shoe off the roof of the Esplanade until it landed outside the Esplanade library.

I love watching.... korean boys.

I do whatever.... my mother wants me to do because my mother rocks.

I have difficulties.... speaking without an accent. DARN ALL OF YOU WHO THINK ITS FAKE.

I think that I am.... lonely too. I may have alot of friends that may or may not like me for who I am, but when it really boils down to it, I really am lonely. Everyday, I realise how I've been throwing away precious time on people who don't even care about me and just pretend that they do. I've been surrounding myself with social hungry monsters who end up talking smack about me just because they can and they know. If it weren't for my best friends, I would be very very lonely. I just need to know that there is someone out there for me, who wants me for me and not for something they'd get just by being with me.

In 5 years time I will see myself in...university. I don't think so, I know it.
or... heehee. or? you tell me.

hey ya'll. I didn't really mention this before, or did I, but I recently borrowed a Korean Phrase Book from the school library about a week and a half ago. Its due date is almost up in about three days which most probably means I'm going to return it about a week from now. Yes, the effects of irresponsibility.


So, it wouldn't be like me to just read that book and return it. I must apply it somehow. I must do something out of the ordinary with it. Books were meant for more than just to be read and tossed aside. There must be some form of sustained effect.

so.

I wrote a story. It's pretty awesome. There's more than one part to it but the phrases used are 100% taken from the phrase book. I didn't make any of this up. My mastery of the Korean language has evidently improved and yet, this was just for the fun of it.


the story is called: I like them Plastic.
remember this title? heehee. if you don't, scroll down and CHECK IT OUT.


Part one: THE BIG MEETING.

Namira: Anneyeonghaseyo, jeoneun Namira immida. (Hello. I'm Namira.)
Hot Korean Guy: Anneyeong. (Hello there.)
Namira: ireumi mweoyo? (What's your name?)
Hot Korean Guy: je ireumeun EunHyuk (my favourite superjunior member.) immida. (My name is EunHyuk.)
Namira: hangul mareun jeonhyeo. (I know very little Korean.)
Hot Korean Guy: Ah Haha! manaseo ban-gapseummida. *flashes hot smile*(Ah Haha! Very nice to meet you.)
Namira: *faints* algesseoyo? (Do you understand me?)
Hot Korean Guy: De. (Yes.)
Namira: mihonieyo. (I'm single.)
Hot Korean Guy: *winks* (GOD IF THIS HAPPENED IN REAL LIFE I WOULD JUST DIE.)


Part two: THE BIG DATE (Part I)

Namira: Eunhyuk anneyeong! (Hello Eunhyuk!)
Eunhyuk: Anneyeong. Nalssi cham jochi anayo? (Hello. Isn't it a lovely day?)
Namira: De. Changmun jjoge anjado doelkkayo? (Yes. Can have a seat by the window?)
Eunhyuk: Ne, dwaetseoyo. Mwo masillaeyo? (Yes, of course. What would you like to drink?)
Namira: Alkool seongbun eomneun geoseuro juseyo. (Something non-alcoholic please.)
Eunhyuk: Joeun saeng-gagieyo. Geunsahandeyo. Seuki jangbiga cham jonneyo. (Good idea. You look great. I like your ski outfit.)
Namira: *blushes* Gomawoyo. Dangsin cham joeun saramieyo. (Thank you. You're very nice.)
Eunhyuk: Beol malsseumeulyo. jeongmal bogo sipeosseoyo. (Don't mention it. I've missed you so much.)
Namira: (mutters really softly.) igeon andwaeyo. (This is no good.)
Eunhyuk: mwoyeoyo? (What?)
Namira: aniyo, amugeotdo. hwajangsireun eodie isseoyo? (No, nothing. Where's the restroom?)



HAHA.

Murphy's Law could not have chosen a worse time to pop up. It's five forty one pm and our Written Report is still sitting here beside me and not with the board of officials of the Project Work Committee because our soft copy refuses to materialise. Right now, my group leader, Kenneth, is joining efforts with Mr. Ng so that hopefully, our WR would magically appear in the disk we're supposed to hand up.

Everybody's tired. We've been zooming all over the place for God knows what. Printing and binding, it's been a race for a less than satisfactory position. The real question is, are we going to cross the finish line at all? We're so near, yet so far. (ALAMAK SO CLICHE.)

....
...
..
.

OMG. IT'S OVER. WE DID IT. THE DOCUMENT CHOSE TO APPEAR AND NOW IT'S IN THE HANDS OF THE PROJECT WORK COMMITTEE WHO WILL DECIDE OUR FATE. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS BUT OUR PROJECT EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS (EE) ALL THE WAY IN TERMS OF EFFORT AND HOURS OF SLEEP BLOODY SACRIFICED.

two thousand nine hundred and forty eight words.
ninety three pages. (you heard me.)
about seventy two hours of sleep foregone.
countless scoldings from our parents. (well mine at least.)
two viruses that got into my laptop.
a new developed love for school laptops.
four handsome, charming and unbelievable teammates whose efforts I truly appreciate from the bottom of my heart.

and its over.


ORAL PRESENTATION IS NEXT THOUGH.
but I'm not worrying. we're going to OWN IT.

Look around everybody. It's time to thank God for all that we have been blessed with.
I don't know why I'm feeling so moral and holy today but it has always been a practice of mine to silently thank God for everything in my life.

I'm chilling with my school computer (again) today. Have I stressed enough on how much I worship school computers? Aren't they just amazing. Tap tap tap. Amazing I tell you.

I've been going through a lot of crap today just to get my Written Report for project work done. It all started at around four in the morning when I awoke to realize that I have yet to perfect my family tree art project (HAHAHA NAMIRA AND ART? YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING.) and also my part of the report was in tatters so I had to brush that up.

When I was a child, my sister was a child too. So we always did kid stuff together like drawing and all that. She always, ALWAYS, drew the nicer pictures. When she was in primary three, she didn't need a ruler to draw houses anymore. It was free hand for her all the way. Meanwhile. Little Miss Incompetent here used all manners of straight items to ensure that all the lines of her house touched perfectly.

Remember when the houses we used to draw had chimneys with smoke coming out and square windows and all that? My chimneys looked like books and my smoke cloud would resemble the shape of a cat's head. I once tried to draw a vase and it ended up being a human body. Or was it the other way round?

Even so, it is evident that I have absolutely no artistic talents at all. I cannot draw because it will always end up looking so disfigured and I get so frustrated. This morning, I sought the help of my mother to help me finish my family tree. I'll post a picture of it when I get hold of the other laptop. It ended up looking pretty awesome. This is why I love my mother. And my sister I suppose. She helped alot with the paper mache and stuff.

Dear God, thank you for my artistically competent family members.

I don't feel like talking about my day anymore because I just had a sudden memory of the conversation Syafiqah and I were having in the bus just now on our way home at about... nine thirty p.m? It's prettyyyy late, don't you know? We were both wasted after a whole day of PW rush. I think she felt better after I bought her Coke Light (...) but I still felt like shit.

The conversation was very honest. In that short bus ride, everything we'd been feeling all this while poured out in this torrent of emotions. Betrayal, disbelief, anger, sadness, loss. It was nothing like we'd ever experienced. I think the whole PW vibe of getting straight to the point to keep beneath your word limit was still lingering around us.

The following conversation has been edited for personal reasons:

'I miss it. I can't believe things have changed. It used to be so lovely.'
'Things haven't changed. It has always been the same. We just didn't see it.'
'The worst part is, we chose not to see it. We ignored it completely.'
'Would it help if we brought it up now?'
'No. it's too late.'

We wish things were back to the way it used to be. We miss it more than you can comprehend.

Yesterday night was a real bummer. My father, out of a spur of the moment decision which resulted after a bad day at work, disconnected my modem from its socket so last night, I was barred from assuming my internet identity(s). I was also unable to get my superjunior fix which was probably why I didn't get a good night's sleep last night. I think I'm going to buy the whole album like connie told me to.

So what did I do last night, you ask? Well, all I did was study. Yes study. Stop looking so surprised you haven't even listened to the whole story yet. True enough, some zzz moments were sacrificed due to my studying impulse. However, it really turned out to be more than studying. I'll explain later.

I was so bored of just staring at my dad wishing he'd just connect the damn thing back to where it came from so, I scittered over to my room and switched on my school laptop which I was only going to keep for one last night. I had to do something with it before I returned it to the mean old lady at the library counter. Something special, something epic. Something that won't last for one night. Something I hope to continue for a long time to come. Actually I just needed a reason to type on it. I just love typing on this damn thing. It's clickety and clackety sounds are so sexy.

A purpose in life is something you develop in a moment. It doesn't generate or take time to surface like a hobby or a habit. It's something you realise in that split second. This raw desire to do something fruitful with your life while its destiny is still hanging by a thread, unwilling to fall and assume its rightful place. Why the sudden profound thought? Before you start guessing, no. I've yet to find my purpose in life. But darn it, I was close. The split second didn't really explode like I thought it would.

Back to what I did last night. Unwilling to waste away my night, I whipped out my Korean Phrase Book (how anti climatic) and began flipping through it. It was one of those few times I did something because I really wanted to, and not because of tradition or obligation.

Reading? Hah, come on Namira, you must have done something more that just read.
Well I did. Not to worry. I didn't build you up to this moment just to let it crumble in a pathetic mess.
Or did I?




Impulsive? Or just plain nonsense? Worth looking into. ;)

I just know I have to blog today because I brought the school's laptop home and typing on it makes me feel superior, heartless and stuck-up. So this is how my General Paper teacher feels like everyday.

I've always wanted to stay online until really late and use the laptop in my room. But my parents never allowed it because they thought I would do bad things if I escaped their watchful eye. Which if funny when you think about it because the language I use on my blog doesn't really scream 'I'm a good girl' don't you think? I really thank the heavens that my parents do not express any significant interest towards my blog. Otherwise, I'd be sent to a full-time madrasah or something.

Today was chillin' day with the hulabagi girls. Me and Syaf agreed that this was a good way to distress after a whole lot in-your-face promos. We ate at 18 chefs which is this restaurant at the first floor of EastPoint at Simei. There was this really mean makcik that refused to put cheese on top of my sphagetti. I was really lazy to choose the three step thing (you have to go there to understand) so I just wanted pasta. The hulabagi girls know how picky I am with my food. Pasta must have cheese on top of it. When I asked her really sweetly whether I could have some cheese she just dismissed me with a curt 'No.' I was really upset after that.

But the food really cheered me up. The sphagetti (with a whole lot of cheese powder as my only substitute all over it) was exceptional. The staff, other than you-know-who, were really friendly. The girls' pasta looked really tasty and I'm sure as hell that they enjoyed it. The whole mood of the restaurant was really happy what with the nostalgic love songs from the nineties and the top-notch original art that made the restaurant no less that spectacular.

A really original concept and great food. What could possibly go wrong at 18 chefs?
Five stars all the way.

We decided to diss the Simei scene and head backwards to Tampines after that. At Tampines1, the girls hungrily shopped at Diva, Dorothy Perkins followed by Topshop and Uniqlo. I realised something odd whilst accompanying them shopping. I, Namira Nasir, shop like a guy. I'm not the kind to go out on a shopping date on impulse with absolutely no idea on what to buy. I only shop for clothes when I really need them. Otherwise, I have absurdly no motivation to shop whatsoever. I really feel uncomfortable with just walking around aimlessly and pretending to be interested in the clothes in front of me. However, I really did enjoy looking at syaf siska and mary shop so happily, frolicking from one clothes rack to another.

I saw really sexy black leather gloves and adorable maryjanes at Topshop though. There was also this stunning biker's jacket which I am going to buy one day. The delicious tops at Topshop are wonders to look at. I just love Topshop. It is my favourite store. Most of the stuff they sell there have this twinge of the eighties scene which I absolutely lust for in clothes. Those bright colours and crisp designs are just amazing. I love Topshop also because it has white floors. I love white floors.

After a heartfelt farewell to Siska, I went to COMICSCONNECTION, which was my dorothy perkins at the time, because I was on the hunt for superjunior merchandise. The girls simply do not understand my passion for superjunior. Haha, only connie, xiaoqi, sherly and suu understand at this point. I left the store with a BEAUTIFUL pink mirror that had three seperate pictures of the boyband. I couldn't be happier. The girls were happy too that I managed to find something I wanted.

After that, we went home. As we sat at the 359/88/3 bustop at whitesands, I couldn't help but sadly and fondly remember the times when we used to sit at the exact spot wearing our secondary school uniforms only a year ago. The times when we manage to meet up come once in a while and that makes me sad.

I can't help but feel lonely tonight. I don't know how I could feel such an emotion after such a splendid day. But, I've taken two doses of reality and despite having many friends, I never actually did realise how lonely I am. You should have seen the smirk I just gave. I make myself laugh. I'm spluttering out nonsense. Why should I wallow in self-pity? I'm really pathetic. I don't understand myself at all.

People who overimagine, tend to die early because they lie to themselves and God says that we aren't supposed to lie.

hey everyone. I borrowed the school's laptop and brought it home today because my mother was being super annoying and keeping the laptop at home to herself. Therefore, being the insanely wonderful daughter I am, in light of the sudden death of my beloved balcony desktop that used to be my mother's Indonesian Drama Provider Replacement when I brought the laptop to school, I decided to just borrow the school's one instead because hello it's free.

well considering that I cannot return any library materials by their due dates to save my life and that I have to pay $10 for every day that this laptop is overdue to my school library, I am pretty much broke for the rest of the week.

Oh well I shan't complain any further.

Promotional Examination Results has taken a toll on me since I have resorted extensively to other forms of recreational activities to curb my incessant worries.

SIGH.well this is just an update.
I'll see you guys later.

I just can't wrap my head around it. This might seem like a very dramatic introduction into a very profound blog post but I'm afraid you'd be disappointed to realise that this is just one of those days that I just have to sit at a school library computer and ramble.

Things have been on my mind lately. Most of them shouldn't be in my head at all. Either because, it is clearly very distracting, my thoughts won't bring me anywhere or I just don't want to involve myself in that particular situation at all.

It saddens me how drastically people change. It saddens me more how little we know about a person before we really get hurt by him or her. It makes no sense at all to engage with a person that gives little or no response in return. It's like knocking at a door for three hours when no one's home.

I need to know that I'm not being paranoid and I need to know that my thoughts aren't overimaginative. I know I talk about this so many times on this blasted blog but I just can't get the message through. Words aren't enough to penetrate the stubborn shield that one is capable of hiding behind.

I want to talk things through, but how? I'm not one to confront. I want to make this person realise that what he or she is saying is utter nonsense and that I want him or her to stop it at once. I want to yell at this person and make him or her feel how I'm feeling.

Why am I so frustrated? One day, when the air really is cleared (like that's ever going to happen because storms happen alot lately) and all the drama has evaporated, I'm wondering what is going to spur this person on because it seems to me that all the lies he or she has been hiding behind is getting more and more dense. No not dense, inflated. It's going to expand so much that its going to pop. And all that will be left is orange rubbery rubble and air.

screw it.

"I do not have any convictions or criminal records I enjoy travelling, baking and participating in various sports activities. I’m a good girl."

..and.

"I’m sure that they saw my capabilities as a main title—holder, so I believe I don’t see myself as a replacement. I know the bad press was centred on Ris Low about her English but it does not affect me because I’m confident in the words that I say and how I speak."


I guess there can never be the perfect beauty queen.
 
For your information, Pilar was the second runner up in the competition. The first runner up, Claire Lee, had a back injury. Which didn't allow her to stand for long hours. Haha. Okay I'm sorry. I really hope Claire gets better so she could stand up straight. I'm sure she is a nice girl.
 
OHH MY GOD check this out. RIS LOW has a wikepedia page.
 
ooh she's 1.70m. Which means I'm taller. Muahahaha. Yes I cannot help but noticing such things.
 
diploma in Hospitality and a diploma in Nursing. hahaha. studying STEEL. okay I don't even know why I'm talking about this. I want chicken rice.

Needless to say, I've been M.I.A for a while. You cannot honestly blame since I've been swamped with promotional examinations. Is it just me, or does one have the odd compulsion to cringe everytime we hear the term promos or exams nowadays? I think it's just me. oh well.

Do you know how it feels like when your world just suddenly becomes so empty? It's like riding in a really really fast train with your head stuck out of the window for five hours and then getting off and standing in an abandoned station, completely still, completely unmoving. Your mind is still zooming and travelling at a thousand miles per hour but your body is as still as the air around you. I'd call it a culture shock but that would be putting it too mildly.


So what have I been doing all this time?
I wish my life was MIO TV.

Thirteen boys, thirteen names, thirteen perfect faces. Everytime I tell my sister this, she'll always say 'come on namira! they're plastic!' Yes indeed, you cannot really trust those maliciously handsome faces because the Korean government subsidises cosmetic surgery. But I really do not care if they're plastic or not. Even if they are, it just means that they're my Boyband dolls.
A lot has happened since the last time I updated (that's for bloody sure.) so here is a rundown.

1. Promo Exam Preparation (shudder.)
2. Promo Exam (cringes.)
4. J1 Bash. 

My life is not a fascination worth the scrutiny of those who watch over me. Yet, I live amongst thin air and sparkling personalities. I am an avid fan of the KoreanPop scene. So bring me to the number thirteen.

♥♥

HULABAGI

♥

Siska(HU)

♥

Mary(LA)

♥

Syaf(BA)

♥

OMG09S104!

October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010

designer: © pathetique.
resources: xxxxx