okay, I'm here.

There isn't really much to talk about. I wanted to talk about my new class but you can just go to the blog and see right? So there is really no point.

Oh God, I think I am having another case of writer's block. Major writer's block. I mean, here I am, so dedicated and 'kan chong' to update my blog but I am absolutely clueless on what to write about. Alot of things have been happening but it's really alot and accumulative.

I mean, I love updating. It's true I really do. I do not see it as an obligation of any form. But you know me, the procrastinator. I could be doing my homework now but instead I'm typing aimlessly on this blog. hmm. Well, I actually really wanted to talk to this person online but yeah. It's in the afternoon and I don't think many people actually go online in the afternoon. Except for me and several others.

let me leave you with this quote I got out of a book:
'Why shouldn't my mother wear flamingo earrings? They're beautiful birds.'

I'm in my school library right now. I am just CHILLAIN' with Si En beside me as we await for dance CCA to start at five thirty. I know it's pretty late. Anyway, I didn't bring my tights so if they asked me why I didn't bring them, I will say it's because I was sick in the morning and I thought I wasn't able to dance in the afternoon but due to the miraculous efforts of the school canteen's delicacies and refreshments, I have made a speedy recovery and am able to dance my heart out and perfom my upmost best.

You know what, my school computer doesn't allow me to cut and paste stuff from various websites and what not? Can you believe that? They are so anti-plagiarism here, it's unbelievable. Well you work hard for the credit you get or otherwise.

My class is 09S104 and they are beyond amazing. They are so hilarious and they keep making me laugh. AW, they call me bimbo and all that. I think my sense of humour is decreasing because even my friend's joke about Mr. Cabbage made me laugh. I'll talk about 09S104 in another blog post.

I promised updates upon updates and still I have been unable to deliver. I apologise to you, readers due to my incompetency and unability to update regularly. Like Syafiqah, the only time I am allowed to touch a computer without feeling horrendously guilty about it is at school. It's when I don't feel terrible about signing into blogger either. When I do so at home, in front of my on-looking parents, it's like a fugitive being caught on camera while trying to escape prison. So you must understand how adversed to the idea I may be.

I wish I could go online everyday and talk to everyone. But, again like Syafiqah, I am swamped with homework and tutorials. Oh well.

Oh another thing, you're not allowed to blog in the library whilst gaining access to the school's computers. You are only allowed to use these technical devices for research or academical purposes. HAHA. Oh my God how ironic is that since I have blogged twice and Syafiqah once on these computers. The also have a note here that says 'Please not that usage of this PC can be monitored.' You're not going a good job, honey.

Another thing I have to tell you all about is, I've dropped out of SYF. Before you start scolding and hurling insults at me about the chance that cannot be regained once lost, please hear me out. I was talking to Meridyn about it and she said that her church friend was once a very significant member about the MJC dance society. She described the training as very rigorous and unbearable. I am not saying anything about my dear dancers already in SYF but I just cannot take the risk.

In my class, I am competing against 6-pointers or 7-pointers. Results that put my points to utter humiliation. I need to be focussed and I cannot stray because once I deviate from my ulterior motive in Junior College, it consumes me in a way that brings me down to an incomprehensible level where escape is simply not a possibility for me.

People call it prioritising, I call it cowardice.

As much as people try to talk me out of it, I've made my decision.

Sorry for ending my blog post on such a depressing tone. This was supposed to be an update, not a downdate. Okay sorry lame.

Let me make my leave now before I increase in lameness.


XOXO,
Namie.

OH MY GOD, yesterday I met up with my beautiful beautiful ladies, namely HULABAGI for a major reuinion. It was so heart warming to actually see all of them. Okay I'll update about it tomorrow along with pictures kay?

To everyone who were sort of defending me against the passerby character, I just want to say thank you to all of you and to say that it's fine. I do have a little accent but it's definitely not fake.

To passerby: I think I know who you are but I shan't say who. I think you're angry that I got into Meridian Junior College and had to take it out on my blog. But it's fine. Vent it out. Hell knows you won't be able to where you're going unless you want to get beaten up.

You all know who Syafiqah's favourite blogger(s) are. Namely, Andrew Bravener and AmazingPhil. Well I have my own pair of favourite video makers. I really don't know why these two girls have not gotten their shot on television yet. They should be out there at hollywood making movies because they are simply magnificent at what they do.

They are spoof makers. And the genre they specialise in is Johnny Depp movies. How could they get any awesomer? They are spectacular. Their names are Hilary and Hannah Hindi and they're sisters. They LOVE Johnny Depp and nowadays they make spoofs of famous movies. Like The Dark Knight and TWILIGHT. TWILIGHT.

okay watch this one because it is more than amazing. Amazing is like an understatement. I LOVE THIS VIDEO. watch it people. I LOVE HILLYWOOD.



kay the guys may not be as hot as the real deal I agree. Everyone with the exception of the guy who plays Jacob Black in this video. He is so gorgeous, don't you think? He looks way better than Taylor. The rest are simply.. well, not there. But oh well.

The costumes are EXACT, I repeat, EXACT replicas if you notice. They are exactly like the real costumes. How do they do it? It's still a mystery.

Thank you for everything today(:

To all of you; I'll update when I stop smiling.

HAPPY THREE MONTHS TO ZAFRAN MY ONE AND ONLY! (BECAUSE HE IS MY MOST AWESOMIC BOYFRIEND.)
happy valentine's day to everyone! (especially to Zafran because of the reason previously stated.)

hello everyone!
bye everyone!
wait, you were expecting a post?
well, later.

Okay everyone ignore my previous post because it was so melodramatic and that's not like me now, isn't it? I don't want to be miss doom and gloom all the time. Besides, I was clearly overreacting. I have alot of cool friends in my class who love to disturb me. I think I was having mood swings or something. God, I am so dramatic when I'm moody.

Let's talk about something relatively trivial. Well to me it isn't, but I suppose you all could call it that. So, today was the 12th of February. Such an important day to me. Today was my modern dance audition.

Yep.

So it was at five thirty, but I was asleep in my last lecture which was chemistry because I was really insanely tired. So I was laying my head on my arms and dozing off. I couldn't sleep for long without the lecturer asking me a question in his idea of waking me up.

Him: The girl who is sleeping in my class at the back there! Yes you!
Namira: huh, what? *sleepy look on face*
Him: Which one is the unknown substance in the neutralisation reaction?! (grins devilishly)
Namira: *Flips through pages* Um, there is no unknown because the question is asking for the mole ratio between the phosphoric acid and anhydrous calcium sulfate. Even so, the concentration for both substances are given. There is no unknown.
Him:......Um, that is correct. Don't sleep in my class!

Actually I did it already, besides his voice is so shrilling that it's pretty obvious what he was talking about even though I was sleeping. What only.

Okay since I was already energized for my dance audition, I talked with Syafiqah and her cool classmates who are hilarious. Spastic dance..

Okay, then I made my way up to do the audition. I was number seven. Number seven is cool but they wrote it on a piece of paper and made you stick it to your shirt and mine kept falling off, so uncool. How can that piece of paper sabo my audition! Tsk, bad piece of paper!

So I did the dance and it was pretty understandable even though it was really really different than my secondary school SYF. It was bloody complicated. Oh well, still, I got it. Thank God.

AND THEN I GOT IN! I GOT IN MJC DANCE WHAT AN HONOUR. WHO DOES THAT? HUH, I LOVE DANCE AND BEING ACCEPTED TO MJC DANCE IS LIKE ONE OF THE BEST THINGS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

and that's not all, no it isn't.

The cheographer who was there called my name because she wanted to speak to me. She told me that she wanted me, and two other girls to JOIN SYF. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. SYF YOU KNOW. THE JUNIOR COLLEGE LEVEL. I SO CANNOT BELIEVE THIS. I FEEL LIKE SHRIEKING NOW.

At times, I wished today never happened.

My day started off usually.
I didn't talk to Syafiqah much on the bus, and I knew that was a sign of the day to come and immediately I felt wary.
The bad thing about being in different classes with Syafiqah is, our timetables clash. When she has class, I don't and vice versa.
And most of the times, it can be of the upmost inconvenience.

I had three periods of breaks consecutively today, followed by another two.
I didn't do much. I sat at the library doing my chemistry homework.
Ironic how, I used to laugh at those who chained themselves to education despite breaks and resting periods.
I finished my tutorial, I finished my lecture notes.
I was still alone, so I decided to read.
Read my heart out. Read to be happy.

Picked up a book I fancied, and began flipping through the pages.
Chose specific parts of the storyline that I deemed to be magical.
Those bits that showed love.
I used to envy those who could describe love through mere words.
They had a power that shone with glaring clarity through the dull and mundane pages and font.
words seemed to jump and dance on the page.
I turned crimson at several parts, always remembering him.
Always remembering how he made me laugh, made me smile.
missing him.

Lectures were uninteresting, despite my love for the subjects.
Time flew, time crawled, time stood still.
Time was never on my side today.
I craved for lectures, praying for an escape from my loneliness.
There were so many of my friends who invited me to lunch,
invited me to sit with them,
invited me to study with them.
So inviting,
but I declined.
Knowing that the one person I really really wanted to sit with and eat lunch with wasn't there.
My best friend.
But she had class, and I cannot blame her for that.

I wandered, I wavered, I strolled.
I passed by groups of twos, threes and fours.
Foursomes brought on the most nostalgia though, and the hollowness that it brought with it.
There were so many of them, sitting at the study benches,
talking,
laughing.
How I wished I could just sit at one of those tables and begin babbling about my annoying classmate who sits beside me,
but they wouldn't understand,
they wouldn't reply,
they wouldn't laugh.

My spirits lifted when I had the chance to see him again.
I almost ran to my old school, for all the wrong reasons.
When I saw him, I wanted to throw my arms around him and start crying,
but I didn't, because I couldn't.
and because it would be weird.

Instead, I went to see my beloved dancers.
My how they have grown,
I never realised how much I'd really missed them,
missed dancing and being free.
I joked and laughed with them, feeling happy again like I did in the morning.

Ironically,
I was teaching them to dance, I was teaching them to smile,
I was teaching them to fly.
Why couldn't I learn after my own lessons?
Why did I find it so difficult to dance again, to smile, to fly and be free?
What happened?
Indeed that is the question to be answered,
What happened?

On my journey home, the truth hit me,
hard and brutal, blunt and deceiving,
just as it always does.
Even though I knew it for myself, it brought on a whole new level of painful realisation to hear it from not one,
but from two.
I guess these two should know best, and so I listened.

When I said goodbye to one, it was solemn and cloaked with apprehension and awkwardness.
When I said goodbye to the other, he didn't say goodbye back.
He gave the 'you're not really going to do this' look.
But I did say goodbye,
I went into lift, and rose to the place I called home.
Even though I felt like falling.

Slammed the door of my room,
and began dictating everything that had happened to my only confidante,
my beloved Nadia.
Why she endured my crap I would never know.

I'm glad I'm a girl, because girls have make-up.
So it's not obvious that you've been crying when you step out of the room.
You can escape the questions from your parents just by appling a little powder on those areas on your face that appeared a bit blotchy, puffy, red.
I'm really glad I'm a girl, otherwise,
I wouldn't have cried.

I used to like crying, I used to love have tears flow on my cheeks.
A river of emotions.
But I didn't like it now,
I wish I hadn't cried. I felt weak.
I feel weak.
My tears fell with me,
but I fell deeper.

Right now, I wish today never happened.

Me and Syafiqah have turned the Meridian Junior College world UPSIDE DOWN. okay, a brief summary of what I've been up to.

In Meridian Junior College you can expect the orientation to be no less that utter fantastic-ness. There are just no words to describe the brilliance of the orientation. It was so incredibly fun. I basically loved it. LOVED IT. Love love love.

PHOBOS ALL THE WAY!!!!!!!!!! YES MY HOUSE IS PHOBOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND WE WON OVERALL CHAMPION AMONG ALL THE FIVE HOUSES!!!!! let me write down a cheer here for you:

lead: P-H-O-B-O-S!

echo: P-H-O-B-O-S!

lead: WHAT'S THAT WHAT'S THAT LET ME KNOW!

echo: WHAT'S THAT WHAT'S THAT LET ME KNOW!

lead: PHOBOS PHOBOS HERE WE GO!!

echo: PHOBOS PHOBOS HERE WE GO!!

lead: WE WILL BRING THE WHOLE SCHOOL DOWN!!!!!

echo: WE WILL BRING THE WHOLE SCHOOL DOWN!!!!!

ALL: pho-pho-phobos, pho-pho-phobos, pho-pho-phobos, ONE MORE TIME GO!!!!!(X3)

lead: PHOBOS HOT OR NOT?!

echo: HOT!

lead: PHOBOS HOT OR NOT?!?!

echo: HOT!!

lead: PHOBOS HOT OR NOT??!?!??!

echo: HOT SIA! ssss...

I LOVE PHOBOS. Thanks to my beloved OGLS like Chery, Shafienas, Athirah and Shafiq and the overall captain of our house FIFI (FIRDAUS) for leading us to victory! woo. Our last night was awesome because of the awesomeness. We sang the school song like the lives depended on it, we had the couple's dance and the mass dances which rocked like hell and I drank two bottles of Coke by myself during the mass picnic. I am going to force Zafran to learn how to dance properly so that he can dance with me.

And guess what I did after an entire day of Great Meridian Siege-ing where I got hosed down with water from head to toe because of my class boys who insist on attacking me and after throwing a water bomb at Khairul Azmi and letting him throw one at me. I WALKED HOME. YES. FROM MERIDIAN JUNIOR COLLEGE. With the one person I wouldn't mind walking five hundred kilometres with (other than Zafran, Siska and Maryam), SHARIFAH NURSYAFIQAH.

You should have seen the semangat-ness that lit up her eyes when I suggested the idea. I love seeing Syafiqah happy. SO we walked home and talked about everything so enthusiastically. For instance our primary school friends, ADRIAN, WESLEY and FREAKING CHONG KENG who have matured into the absolute hotties they are presently. She also talked about her hot OGLs which I laughed at hysterically.

Did I mention that my class boys are absolute gentlemen? I was never accustomed to the kind of treatment they give me. It's so heart-warming. For instance, during the Mass Meridian Monopoly around Singapore, they kept offering me their seats and offering to buy my food. When they saw me carrying a heavy ice-box to school they asked me whether I needed some assistance and when I kept saying no three of the had to wrench my fingers from the handle so they could carry it themselves.

what, in the world. THEY ARE ALL SO SWEET. And it's not just to me you know, it's to like every single girl in my class, when there are only five. How cute.

Moving on, today was my first official day of JC-life. I got to wear my school uniform all, which was so cool. I had my first few lectures today and I got a taste of JC life with all the homework and such. The sad thing is I got homework for every single subject other than maths which was the subject I wanted homework from most :(AH well, there is always tomorrow. H3, H3.

I stayed back with Syafiqah to watch the girls' soccer trials. We ended up making a video which is up there. WATCH IT. it's so cool.

johnn: hahaa yeahh John! my brother asked me who you were and he thought you were my boyfriend. HAHA. sorry.

syafiqah: YES SYAFIQAH I KNOW(:

allyy: YES ALYAH. ME AND SYAFIQAH AND YOU. OMG.

RRE: haha yeah Madagascar! So funny sia marty. Actually I don't know how to spell that word I just anyhow. oh yeah, CONGRATS ON GETTING TO TEMASEK JUNIOR COLLEGE!

siska: uh NO SISKA AMEERA BTE ABDUL RAHMAN I AM IN MERIDIAN JC! vjc is just.. not for me. hahaha. of all people, YOU should know that.

Nadz: thanks so much babe! YES I WATCH IT. I WATCH IT EVERY MONDAY AND TUESDAY ON VIKII. I love boys over flowers. IT ROCKS. the guys are so freaking hot.

syafiqah: I know you would syafiqah. and then after you throw my coke into the sea, I'd scream, cry, and then throw you in the sea and watch you swim. two can play at this game. haaha. no lah I'm not that evil. (unlike some people...)

LIY: Liyana! your boat kept sinking. so we named it after the Titanic. Be honoured kay? The Titanic is majestic. Wait, it was majestic.

siska: again with the vjc jokes siska?! you and your hopes for me. I think it's just that you want me to get the best I can and you only want me to go to VJC because you love me and not I put it as my first choice and because Victoria is nice to say...

SLMD: I was a hint adversed to the idea of a new environment and that stunned me a little. it's just that the realisation hit me all at once and it was kind of overwhelming. I thank you with all my heart SLMD, it means alot to me.

Erickson: thanks Erickson. I'm sure you are just as qualified as I am to get into MJC. I'm sure it was an oversight on their part. don't give up hope kay? all the best(:

syafiqah: my internal monologue is delusional. I am delusional, you should know that! haha. YES I MADE IT THROUGH MY FIRST THREE DAYS WITH YOU. yeaaah man.

Sarah: OH MY GOODNESS REALLY? haha. did you know that if you go to Yahoo! and type in C-A-L-I-M, calimasale will come out there. isn't it awesome? I'm global.

siska: yeah siska it is. wait, NO VJC JOKE FROM SISKA AMEERA? gasp.

Zafran: you're just jealous that I have unlimited access to INSTANT NOODLES and you don't, Zafran. and you're only edgy because you miss me. yes, I figured it out.

Duane: YEAAAAAAH MAN DUANE IS GOING TO DO MY QUIZ. I should throw a party or something. well it's your fault for not visiting my blog frequently to see whether you were tagged to do any obligatory quizzes.

hadi: there is! they showed it to us just now and they're going to teach it to us tomorrow. be prepared to find a girl for a partner, hadi.


I should really stop this habit of not replying my tags sooner. apologies.

MJ will win the war, MJ will win the war.
who dares to mess with us WILL BE CHOW TAH! wooh.

wait is that how you spell chow tah? It's Hokkien I think.


HELLO EVERYONE! MERIDIAN JUNIOR COLLEGE has been absolutely thrilling, I must say. I've made some friends that are really cool and learnt new cheers that have words like CHOW TAH and SHABOOYA.


There are like six cheers, a mass dance (that includes four songs), a couples' dance, a fusion dance, our college anthem and our house cheers that we have to memorise. I really cannot wait. The mass dance was awesome I have to admit. I couldn't catch up because Maisarah was teaching it too fast. Well we all had a deadline to stick to.

But it was awesome nonetheless. I freaking love dancing.

Oh my goodness, like three seconds ago this amazingly sweet person called me asking me whether I wanted to join MJC dance. I told her I was quite worried about the whole ballet thing because I was completely inexperienced. Then she said that she didn't have any dance experience before JC and she told me not to worry.

Her reassurances were like a God send.

If you ask Syafiqah, Nizam, Meridyn, Alyah or any other person, you would know that I had no interest to join dance at all in MJC because of these reasons:

1) You have to run around the track.
2) You have to run.
3) It's ballet and I can't do a split anymore to save my life.
4) I don't like running.
5) I wanted to be a councillor. (what? it's a good leadership role. and don't think I can't because I soooo can.)
6) Running is the one thing that I absolutely hate doing.
7) SYF is like this year, so I thought I couldn't handle that and four H2 subjects and my promo exams and my mid-years and the homework etc.
8) I run like a chicken. (ask Faqiha)
9) I run ten metres and already feel out of breath.

But this is the reason I do want to join dance:
1) I, Namira Nasir, absolutely and unconditionally love and feel upmost passion for dancing.

When she called me it was a sign. Here's a snippet:

Me: In my secondary school, I was more of a participant for modern dance. But when I heard that the Meridian Junior College Dance society's dancing genre was more ballet-based, I was adversed to the idea of adapting and all that.

Her: Oh, not to worry. Previously I had absolutely zero knowledge of dancing in whole. But I really just took a step further and joined it anyway. Our dance ensemble is mostly for people who feel absolutely passionate for dance and I can tell that you are perfect for it. It's in your records right that you were previously a secondary 4 representative for your Dance CCA?

(if you're wondering how a student like her could gain access to my records is because she is the Chairman and she basically knows who has dance background from secondary school)

Me: Really? Thank you. But I'm just a little hesitant, you know. New school.

Her: I completely understand. Why don't you just come down for the auditions tomorrow and try out for it? I'm sure you'll do brilliantly. And don't worry, I'll be there just in case you need support. Remember, no pressure okay? So will you please come?

She is asking me to come audition? I was already won over.

I'm going to dance auditions tomorrow. wish me luck!

For all of you who want to know how my first day at MERIDIAN JUNIOR COLLEGE went, this is the blog post for you!

OKAY.

I WOKE UP AT FIVE YOU KNOW. I am very impressed with myself. I woke up subconsciously at around four. Then I was just there wondering whether I should wake up. I thought it would be 'kiasu' of me to wake up so bloody early, and it's not good to have a kiasu mental picture of yourself so early.

I skipped happily to meet Syafiqah but she wasn't there yet. I was quite surprised when she wasn't anywhere to be seen because she was miss semangat of the year to go to JC five hours early on the first day of school.

So I waited.

FIFTEEN MINUTES LATE SYAFIQAH. Fifteen whole minutes. That's like a two-digit number. (!!!) On the first day of school no less! I hope your breakfast tasted nice. hahaa. I can never be angry at Syafiqah I JUST DON'T KNOW WHY. I love her too much.

We took 109 to MJC and met ALYAH with her fantastic and bloody awesome pair of self-decorated shoes. MJC-ians were uber friendly. Even so early in the morning, the were so chirpy and cheery it made me feel happy.

Seperated with Syafiee and we had our introduction talks. The morning assembly was really short to say the least. We just stood up and said the Pledge. And we received talks from several teachers, vice-principalS and our PRINCIPAL herself. It was very enlightening.

We had our break. It was the most segregated thing I have ever seen. Everyone was sitting with their respective schoolmates. We, the ex-students of Pasir Ris Crest Secondary, all sat together at one table. There weren't alot of us. This was what I ate:

1) A wholemeal tuna sandwich.
2) A chocolate eclair.

Nice.

When we resumed with the day's activities, which included Demo Lectures (which is the most smartest thing ever!) I FOUND OUT SOMETHING MAGICAL.

magical, I tell you. the only word for it.

The vending machine sells Ruffles and Lays and INSTANT NOODLES. YOU HEARD ME, INSTANT NOODLES. I wanted to put a bed where the bench was and stay there. I wanted to take five million pictures of it. I wanted to kiss it but the JC2's already thought me and Syafiqah were weird enough.

Yes, Syafiqah. I love her. She made my first day in JC exceptional. Thanks Syafiee for being there when I needed you the most. Thank you for making my day un-mendak and fun as hell.

thanks to (ahem ahem):
Syafiqah, Alyah, Meridyn, Yi Min, Adelyn, Shu Ming, Lynn, Zhen Qiang, Naeem, Hadi, Leon (Oh God I hope I didn't forget anyone) for being my PRCS people amongst the greens and the whites ;) Sure our PRCS uniform blends in with the canteen tables but hey, they blend nicely. In fact, they match.

bittersweet emotions and feelings. God help me face tomorrow with a strong heart because I'm not so sure anymore.

shlingratifbjkfxhfdigrsoutulyiunop.

I really have no idea why I am so apprehensive about tomorrow. I've been dreaming about this experience for quite a while already.

I am such a schmuck to think I'm not ready for this.
I'm so lost. I think if not for Syafiqah, I would have died right now.
I would have suffocated from my nervousness and unsure-ness.

see? even my vocab is messed up. this is wrong. so incredibly wrong.

mjc mjc, you're too good to be true for me really.
wake up namira, you're only dreaming.
please wake up.
open your eyes. something's wrong.
unbelievable? well, believe it.
NAMIRA GET A GRIP. what the hell is wrong with you?

what went wrong? what went right?
you don't even know anymore.
you're falling apart.
and you're talking to yourself.
on your blog. how sick is that?

really sick. like, I killed my best friend's dog because she kissed my ex-boyfriend sick.

oh kuscencrackers. you have to know namira. KNOW IT.
KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.
you fickle-mined sick weakling.
are you just going to jc because you need it or want it?
is there a difference anymore?
no.

you know what?
you're an airhead.
you heard me. AN AIRHEAD.
there is nothing in your head but a mixture of air.
there is no brain. no mind. no sensibility.
oh you are so going to die an airhead. and I won't be surprised.

want to know why NAMIRA?
DO YOU?
two reasons.
I am actually you.
and number two, I told you you were going to die an airhead.

this internal monologue is absolutely repulsive.

My life is not a fascination worth the scrutiny of those who watch over me. Yet, I live amongst thin air and sparkling personalities. I am an avid fan of the KoreanPop scene. So bring me to the number thirteen.

♥♥

HULABAGI

♥

Siska(HU)

♥

Mary(LA)

♥

Syaf(BA)

♥

OMG09S104!

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