oh no.

it's ten twenty four pm. and I just got back home twenty minutes ago. what the hell is happening to me? I have been so immensely flooded with stuff to do, I can't breathe. this is bad as hell.

sorry I haven't been updating lately people, i've just been swamped.

for those of you who don't know, I, Namira Nasir, am the Publicity I.C for PHOBOS house Committee!! haha yes yes I am very very happy because it was the post that I wanted other than vice-captain. so to all phobos people, you're in good hands. Matthew Mohan may be a tall Chindian, but he's not confused about his sexuality.

cheerleading cheerleading. it was super high today, again. haha I don't know how I can be constantly around these people! they are so energetic and supporting and it's contagious. I love all of them. let's win first lah people. COLOSSEUM '09 we are coming for youuuu!

I'm going to Kota Tinggi in July for my Leadership Camp. It's gonna be really cool because all the house commitee members are going to be there and it's going to be super hyper and all that. we're going to tear johor bahru downnn.

phobos ah-ah-eh-bah.

today was the councillor investiture thingamajic. it was the most touching thing in the world I nearly cried. if our passing off ceremony for the committee members is going to be that sad, I am going to break down and cry. Me and firza. maybe matthew.

kay I have to go bye.

it's like opening your eyes and wishing you didn't.

I guess people are just not used to seeing the world as it truly exists around them. it's this curse we all have. it befalls all of us regardless of strength or capability. no matter how hard you try to shake off something, it'll always be there to haunt you.

why do we have a past? why must we remember our history? it's like looking back on an old diary and realising how utterly stupid you were as a child when it was just three months ago. why do people change? why do people change their minds?

don't they realise that sometimes, other people don't want them to?

I wish I could just fly and escape from the world that isn't beautiful and find a new one. why must things be so complicated? I've drowned before, and I'm drowning again. because of the same problem.

why must you lie? did you really mean what you said, or were you just finding an escape from your routine of work and play? decide. because when I close my eyes and think of you, all I see is music and words.

liar, liar.

I love this song. can you guess which one I find the hottest? if you can, I'll SALUTE you.

Oh god. the previous post just shows you how utterly retarded I can get when i'm pms-ing.
while some of it may be a hint true, it's not totally accurate.

but I love all of you.
thank you for your support.

I'm feeling horrendously sorry for myself today. so excuse my pitiful whining today.

when I arrived home at about ten yesterday, so exhausted from training, my family was practically asleep and hardly acknowledged my presence. when I went into the kitchen, the dining table was empty. they didn't save me anything to eat that night. I guess they assumed I went out to eat or something.

Hungry, I went to bathe. When I went out, I went to my laptop to do my project work. At about two, I slept. I aimed to wake up at four so I could do my homework. when I woke up at six, all hell broke loose and I couldn't find anything. My assignments were undone, and I was completely unprepared for everything.

that's when I stopped rushing, fell to my knees and cried.

when I pulled myself together I went to meet syaf and I cried again because I was absolutely broken. nothing was coherent in my life anymore. for the first time in my life, I didn't want to feel the soft flow of tears on my cheeks. I couldn't show anyone, especially myself that I failed. I couldn't fall or shatter. I prayed for a salvation from all my woes.

why do we crumble?
help. I don't want to cry again.

I never once in my life felt such stress. my nationals weren't as bad as this. I could cope with O's. why was this so difficult? I shouldn't fall.

and then I remembered that there was no one now that would catch me.

okay okay! I'm not going to leave my blog abandoned any further despite my helpless fatigue. I am one of the most exhausted people in the world right now. And somehow, I feel like it's going to get worse. oh no.

I feel like my head is going to drop on my keyboard any second. But I really can't. I have so many obligations to attend to. I have my PI second draft to accomplish (WHAT NAMIRA YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED?), I have to do my maths and physics assignment and I have to do my Physics project. I cannot let down my boys after I promised.

Today I had my house committee speech. I was like saying like all the time but Alyah said I shouldn't worry because I was fine. I shall not dwell on what has happened so I want to congratulate all other nominees for getting this far. you guys are like one of the greatest friends I've made so suddenly (:

I also had my dance farewell party today. It started with us meeting at the corner of the canteen just so we can start. Furthermore, we were supposed to dress up today. We had to dress up as types of dancers. I didn't need to because I had heats (running trials) to attend to later on. Some of the costumes were really imaginative. I lovee you J2 dancers.

TODAY I ALSO HAD CHEERLEADING. Simply, the most craziest cheerleading practice ever. We lost our minds. Some of us did the Egyptian dance, I did the Nobody dance and the Single Ladies dance. I made a new handshake for everyone to do when we met each other. We all gathered in a circle (boys and girls) and we started doing guy push-ups. We tried the diamond hand push ups, the one hand push ups. This all started because I started lying on the mat and tried to do a guy push up. Suddenly everyone was swarming around me and saying GO NAMIRA, or EH I WANT TO TRY ALSO. guys and girls.

unbelievable.

we all promised each other that we were going to go see seventeen again!
hahahahahahaha.


OH JUST IN CASE I FORGET WHICH I MOST PROBABLY WON'T BECAUSE I LOVE THIS GIRL SO INSANELY MUCH. TO MY DARLING NABILAH ZAHARAH SHAH, MY BELOVED TWEENIE WHO I INCREDIBLY MISS, HAPPY SEVENTEENTH BIRTHDAY BAYBEHHH! I MISS YOU LAAA. WHEN I SEE YOU PREPARE YOURSELF FOR AN IMMENSE HUG SWEETHEART.

ugh I am honestly too tired to speak right now.
I will post in the morning.

ah.

bam bam bi da bam bam bi dam bam/dam.

this is for you, american hottie.
just because you asked very nicely.
(:

let me just recap what I've done and accomplished during this past week.

a major part of my entire week was CHEERLEADING!
yes people, I am a cheerleader for my house PHOBOS!
wooh.

I feel so preppy and it's a good thing. I love the fact that I can have fun and make new friends while doing something I love. I love cheerleading, I love my fellow cheerleaders and I love the song! ahh. I wonder what I'm going to wear. my friend suggested a really short red cheerleading mini skirt and I was like wha. then she was like, 'shut up namira. you know you want to. look at your legs lah. eh fazari, make hers shorter.'

....

thank god I am not a flyer otherwise I would have to be tossed around so much it would make my head so dizzy. but my guys are awesome. they can carry and fling girls about like they weigh nothing. I feel like I'm really bonding with all of them.

cheerleading has been taken alot out of me, though. I've been arriving home at nine on an average. I have been so tired that when I arrive home, I feel like such a zombie. I'll go bathe, eat and sleep. sometimes, I forget to eat.

one night, I turned my alarm on at eleven pm so that I could wake up, go online and go talk to someone very important to me. when I woke up, I went to the computer, I noticed there was no one online. I was very confused. eleven o'clock was a very popular time to come online. then when I looked at my clock, I noticed it was four o'clock.

wow. namira you are a zombie.

at least I'm catching up with this person now. turns out that he hasn't even been online these past few days. he has been clubbing and forgetting about me. haha. but he's made up for it today. I'm really happy now. it's this power we have over each other.

(:

but we're two freaking weird people.
you should see the arguments we get into.
he's like a little boy I have to babysit.

dear you,

I feel somewhat, deprived that I didn't talk to you yesterday/just now. don't miss me too much kay? I'll talk to you later.


jenny.

this evening, I was in the kitchen making my infamous, mouth-watering butter and honey toast, the most heavenly thing in the universe, when my brother comes waltzing in like he owns the place just to smugly see what i'm up to in the kitchen. when he's had an eyeful of my culinary activity, he starts wandering around the kitchen, not leaving.

at first, I was wondering what in the world he was up to. my brother never stays in the kitchen for more than two minutes. he know's it's a magnet for potential chore tasking and such. but there he was, with his arms crossed, and him humming innocently to himself. i knew there was no reason for him to possibly want to be there,

unless he wanted something.

immediately i was on high alert. I really really didn't want to have to spend time making another sandwich because I had my functions tutorial to attend to. so after a last drizzle of my honey on my buttered toast, I set my snack carefully on a small dish, placed the honey in the pantry and the butter in the fridge, so I could quickly make my escape into my room.

as i was painstakingly positioning my butter on the shelf on top of my cheesecake and chocolate syrup in the fridge, I could see my brother holding the strawberry jam jar close to his chest, fingering the loose label gently. his eyes were lowered and he was sighing. I ignored my peripheral vision and quickly walked away before he could 'guilt' me into anything else. at least, I tried to.

'functions namira. focus on functions.'

as I was leaving the kitchen, my brother spoke.

'Kakak... you know, I really really like strawberry jam.'

I remained nonchalant. poker face namira. functions..

'of course you do sweetheart. it's lovely.'
'I could eat strawberry jam anytime I want.'
'mhmm. of course you could.'
'like.... NOW.'

at this point, my poker face crumbled. his innocent facade was wiped clean. we looked at each other with resentful eyes. it all came down to who was going to relent first. it was the battle of who had the most power in the sibling clan. it was a head-to-head war between the eldest, home-work bound, sweet sister and the annoying, spoilt, youngest brother. the outcome was a mystery.

'well, hakim. it's good that you can reach the toaster then.'
'but you are here, kakak. you can make it for me if you want.'
'yeah. if I want.'
'kakak, don't be so selfish.'
'do you even know what selfish means?'
'YES.'
'what?'
'it means naughty!'
'close enough, young one. i've taught you well.'

this is the part where vito power takes place. father comes into the kitchen, an innocent and lethargic witness to our debacle. I thought he was going to come to my rescue because I was the eldest, but I was wrong.

'Namira. make the sandwich for your brother already.'

darn it. with a smug smile, my brother danced out of the kitchen. but justice was not completely unfair.

'Hakim, you stay in the kitchen and help her. why you ask for snacks so late at night? your sister has homework.'



Hakim, if you're older and reading this, I want you to know that I love you and you are the best brother in the world.
but sometimes, you can really be a pain.
when my niece/nephew asks for a sandwich late at night, you'd better make it for her/him.

you know those people who go from house to house and ask you to buy stuff? I hate it, absolutely hate it, when someone comes to my house and offers me something I don't want. not because I hate the people per say, but more that I hate the feeling that they give me if I refuse. I just can't stand it.

one day, when a man came to my house to sell some crackers or something, I was alone at home. I couldn't cower in my room and let that man continue shouting into my open front door, knowing that he won't stop unless someone goes out and greets him.

me: hi (slowly and cowardly opens room door)
man: hello, are your parents home? (in malay)
me: no, I'm sorry they're not. (in malay also)
man: oh, well I'm sure you have eight dollars to spare. would you like to buy some crackers?
me: no, I'm sorry I don't have any money. (pathetic excuse)
man: please. I need the money.
me: but I don't have any.
man: but I have three children at home to feed.
me: oh God. (at this point I was on the verge of tears)

as you can see, I have a very strong gulity conscience. most of you need not have any reminders about this phobia of mine. I've only touched on it about a million times.

as the years pass, I have gained a certain knowledge about how to defend myself from such people. it's worked for some, but for others who still persist, these methods may not be effective. so if you're like me, these measures may come in handy.

1. turn on the guilty conscience in them instead.
if they ask you for money, come up with some pathetic story that might make them less persistent. for example, this was one of my experiences using this method.

man: would you like to buy a ten dollar charity coupon?
namira: oh, ten dollars? I wish I had that.
man: excuse me?
namira: i'm sorry, but you see last week, when my teacher went around asking my class for ten dollars for my class fund... oh ten dollars! how coincidential.(gestures to coupons) well, when I didn't have any money, my classmates laughed at me. I sort of cried. it was pretty awful.
man: oh.

advantages of this method: these salesperson perople don't really care about your story or your life. if your story is long enough, they'll get bored or feel awkward and would want to get out of there as quickly as possible.
disadvantages: it's hard to keep a straight face.

2. pretend you don't speak malay/english.
this is one of my favourite methods. I use this method most frequently. see, these sales persons are usually monolingual. use this method carefully and they'll end usually end up just saying 'never mind' or walking away. another experience for you.

woman: hi adik, nak beli beg tangan ni tak? murah je dik. lapan dolar sahaja. tolong lah dik, akak kene bayar bill nanti. (hello young lady, would you like to buy a handbag? it's really cheap. only eight dollars. please help me, I have to pay my bills later on.)
namira: excuse me? what did you say?
woman: er. adik nak beli beg? (er. do you want to buy a bag?)
namira: i'm sorry, I don't understand.
woman: you... buy... beg?
namira: huh? you want me to what?
woman: ah takpe ah. tak guna punye budak. (oh sod it. no use of a teengaer) [she really said this]

advantages: it's really effective and really funny. you can laugh about it later.
disadvantages: sometimes, they're bilingual or know simple english. in this case, languages like french or japanese would come in handy.

3. ask them questions instead.
elaborate on the use of the product and go on and on until they'll get bored or something. keep asking them questions until they'll eventually not know what to do. warning: this is for those of you who have time.
experience:

man: hello little girl. are you interested in a new umbrella? (this guy was lugging around umbrellas around singapore. he had about twenty in his carrier. oh yeah this happened last year. little girl? yeah, sure.)
namira: an umbrella? wow. where were they made?
man: (takes out notebook from shirt pocket and starts reading. picks up an umbrella and begins to turn it over and over looking for the Made In China sign.) errrrr...... ummm. CHINA. that's it. it was made in China.
namira: ooh. what's it made of?
man: (consults notes again. feels umbrella between fingers..) umm... cloth? namira: CLOTH? wouldn't that be like bad in the rain? cloth would get wet and soaked and it won't be very useful. (tries not to laugh)
man: err. really? okay then never mind.

advantages: you really get to know more about the product if the salesperson is knowledgable enough.
disadvantages: you really get to know more about the product if the salesperson is knowledgable enough.

I like these methods. they make me less guilt ridden. I hate feeling guilty. it's sort of overwhelming for me.

Emergency - Paramore

I WENT TO MY FIRST SPEECH DAY AS AN AWARD RECEPIENT EVER YESTERDAAY!!!

wooooooooooooooooooooooooh. it was great!
so I had to take my bloody green form and the procedures were like really really bogus. There was this really cranky receptionist that I had to deal with. When I asked her for a green form, she asked 'for what?!' like I was asking for a million dollars out of the school's treasury. Then I said, I'm attending my school's speech day. Then she said, 'where's your letter?'. I didn't bring it. Then she looked at me as if I just told her I killed my school principal then said 'and you think you're getting out of the school?'

after calling my parents in front of her (school procedure) to tell her that we were leaving for speech day already, I had to wait for a staff's signature (school procedure). Meanwhile, I sat with the other PRCS people at the couches available. When I FINALLY got my bloody green form I went to say goodbye to Syafiqah and me and alyah left.

ALYAH HAS THE MOST COSIEST HOME EVER! she is like so hospitable lah. Her house is amazing. It was prone to long-term lepak-ness but unfortunately we had a timeline to keep to. I showered and changed into my air stewardess outfit. Me and allyy ate lunch there (instant noodles). At her house too, I was introduced to her little brother, Azli. He was.. quiet. But while I was hairdrying my hair, alyah told me that azli told her that I had an accent.

......

ALYAH'S HOUSE IS SOOO COOL. Don't worry alyah! hospitality fees coming right up! and i have to give something to your parents for letting me use their wonderful home. can't wait to go there again lah. BAIK KE PE. (oh god namira.)

Alyah's dad was such a star to send us to school because I didn't want to walk there looking like that in the hot sun in a blazer. Get it? Blaze er. Never mind. When we reached there, the speech day started and yada yada yada.

-que redundant speechday information-

after speech day, we camwhored like bimbos. All of us. Me, ALYAH, SI EN, ZHEN QIANG, LYNN, MERIDYN, hadi (like real), some teachers etc. when I get the pictures i will show all of you.


to lynn: I want the hot picture of me and fabian!
to alyah: I want all the pictures you took!
to farreha: your speech was superb! you were great rre, you deserve it.
to syafiqah: I went home alone. (...)

more pictures coming up!

Send My Love To The Dance Floor Ill See You In Hell [Hey Mister DJ] - Cobra Starship

Namira Nasir shouldn't even be here now.
She should be eating her panadol and her medicine that needs to be chewed before swallowing.(ew)
She should be finishing up on her PI now.
She should do her Graphing Techniques Tutorial 1 and 2 and revise her functions.
She should be finding out what she doesn't know for Chemical Bonding.
She should be doing her Chemistry SPA essay about experiment planning to find percentange purity of anhydrous sodium carbonate.
SHE SHOULD BE MEMORISING HER SIXTY PERIBAHASA THAT CIKGU ASK HER CLASS TO MEMORISE FOR TOMORROW'S TEST.

but what is Namira Nasir doing?
she's updating her blog.
....

whatever. So today right, I went to THE SICK BAY. I was really feeling under the weather and I couldn't even walk during class and I kept sniffling and tearing up and all that. So I went to the General Office to ask whether I could make use of the Sick Bay facilities.

After filling up a green form, I walked across a cream and golden hall-way, feeling absurdly out of place in the clatter of the staff whizzing past me. Finally I reached the end of the hallway and I turned around to see the discreet sign in black and white plastered on the wooden door.

FEMALE SICK BAY.
a sign from heaven.

With a sigh, I pushed open the door just to see another girl settling herself in. With a coy smile, I apologised for just bursting like I owned the place and placed my bag gently down on the floor. As my temporary room-mate snuggled into her yellow printed blanket, I climbed up the next available bunk bed. Just so we could give each other a bit of privacy.

My bed faced the window. This was good so that when I opened my eyes, I would remember where I was and not at some abandoned motel or something. The room was quiet and still. I wanted to reach into my pocket to claim my phone so I could listen to some music while resting but I was too afraid to even move.

The bed was as sensitive as my sister. Each move I made, no matter how insignificant, sent a creak cracking into the still air. I didn't want to disturb my room mate. Let's call her Angie. (name improvised for discretion) Angie probably needed the rest more than I did, so I tried my best to be a good roomie. So I stood still, closing my eyes ever so often.

Eventually, I heard her gentle snoring. It wasn't the loud obnoxious snores you probably hear from your aunt, but more of the soft snoring of a lady. Just when I realised that I was 'alone' I sat up and examined my surroundings. It was like a clinic. Throw in a little MJC/dormitory hospitality, you've got my sick bay.

There was two bunk beds, a washing machine (I am not kidding), a sink, two combs (no mirror), a thermometer, about a hundred toilet rolls (again, not kidding), a first aid kid, a desk, two chairs, a fan, a poster about how to wash your hands (I am not making this up) and a little corner for blankets.

Content with my surroundings, I rested again. This time I was genuinely tired, so I drifted off to my afternoon siesta after plugging in my earphones. It was so nice in there. Through the gaps of the window, I could see some students filing out. But no one could see me. I was protected by the shroud of some ferns and trees adorned with flowers. my haven was a secret. a secret between me and Angie.

I felt like Boo Radley, the malovelent phantom.

At 3.35p.m, I snapped up. I couldn't possibly be late for Chemistry SPA. So with as much grace as possible (as if) I descended from my tower and packed my things. After putting on my shoes, I silently bid farewell to sleeping Angie and stepped out into the glowing clatter of Meridian Junior College.

I now proclaim the FEMALE SICK BAY to be the best place on the Meridian Junior College campus.

Rating: 5/5

Saturday Night - Sandi Thom

when you're flicking through your past words and memories, ironic things tend to strike you the hardest. it's nearly impossible for us to ignore such things. when I was younger, i didn't know what to expect of my older self. but as an older version of myself, I wish I could tell my younger self to not be so ignorant.

one of the most ironic things I have ever said.
taken from 09 January 2008 blogpost.

I WOULD NEVER CONSIDER ANY OF YOU BOYS FROM MY CLASS TO BE MY BOYFRIEND. BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE JUST MY FRIENDS.

okay? okay.
thank you azmi and zafran.
Oh yeah, just in case any of you guys get any funny ideas, just remember that time I whacked Zafran with my AMATHS textbook. Remember that only twice as harder.

Zafran, did I whack you with a maths textbook once? did it hurt? I'm sorry.

again, very ironic the younger me.

you know, when you're sick, and you tell people you're sick, they'll always say the exact same thing.

'oh it's the sick season.'

there is no season of sickness. that doesn't even make sense. I will post when I recover. might not be going to school on monday.

hello everybody.

I am currently in the library now. Is it just me or are my posts coming a lot from the MJC school library nowadays? Oh well, I really wouldn't have realised anyway.

I'm waiting for dance to start. I really have no idea why my dance CCA starts so late (6p.m) either. I think because we have to wait for the room to be empty so that we can use it. It's the SYF frenzy now. Everyone's begging for a room.

I'm alone now. My form of accompaniment on Wednesdays has bailed on me. Okay no. It's just that he is outdoors now and ever since the start of the afternoon, I've been craving for some indoor time, with the air-conditioning circulating around me. How I wished I had an angel following me around so that whenever I'm alone, it would just magically appear and come to my rescue.

I've been thinking a lot lately. About my angel. My theory revolves around the fact that he exists. Just some flicker of hope that there is truly someone out there who is thinking about me. Wondering what I was doing.

I thought he existed, but I was wrong.

He's still there. Here. Not physically but I can still feel him. Lingering around me, watching me. Wishing his form could be visibly defined for me to see. I imagine him walking around me. Leaning in front of me and peering into the computer, thinking about what I was thinking. Wishing he could ask.

I'd picture him standing, with his hands in his pockets and saying disapprovingly, 'Namira, you're an idiot.'
I'd smile.
He'd wonder.

He's probably eyeing my wallet beside me, hoping I remember to take it with me when I go to dance. He might be looking at my handphone, wondering what dark secrets lurk in them, what song I'm listening to.

Thinking of You-Katy Perry.
He'd remark on my song choice. Commenting about how Miss. Perry should cover up more.

He'd wonder if I was cold in the computer lab. Thinking if I should be wearing a sweater. He'd complain about how much homework I have in my cluttered bag and wishes I would tear myself away from the computer to tend to at LEAST chemistry so that I could sleep earlier tonight. He'd assure me that if I didn't know how to balance a redox half equation, he'd take my pencil and teach me.

He'd bargain. Saying that if I did my homework now, he'd shut up about it. He'd persist when I shake my head. Finally, he will give up, saying there's no use bargaining with a rock. I'd chastise him on his choice of words. he'll apologise.

he'd smile, pull up a chair beside me, rest his head on the table and watch me. then, he'd disappear.

that's when I'll look up, look around me and change the song. shaking off the dream. angels don't like the library, anyway.

Burst through the door and take me away.

My life is not a fascination worth the scrutiny of those who watch over me. Yet, I live amongst thin air and sparkling personalities. I am an avid fan of the KoreanPop scene. So bring me to the number thirteen.

♥♥

HULABAGI

♥

Siska(HU)

♥

Mary(LA)

♥

Syaf(BA)

♥

OMG09S104!

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