I need panadol.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008/6:05 PM
well, I think I'm sick. Call me a hypochondriac if you wish (like someone has for no reason) but I really think I'm sick. Everytime I stand up I will get all woozy and dizzy. Some people have assumed that I am pregnant. But I don't think I am.
well...
People, I am going crazy and I really don't know why. Let me just establish now that I am not confident at all for my O'levels. I don't even think I can get into a proper JC. Some of you are going to call me stupid and all that but trust me, I am not hardworking and I am not smart. I am just plain lucky. I really don't know why I am deprocating myself this low but I am confident that I'm right. Many of you, might think that I am hardworking or am smart. But really, I am not. Don't try to contradict me I know I what I am.
I know its too late to dwell over this but really, I just cannot take it anymore. It's been accumulating inside of me for so long that I feel that it's going to burst out anytime and I'll be screaming and pulling my hair, jumping about the school compound and screaming about how I'm so thirsty and about my Aunt Sophie and how she left her purse at the bank. Really, I just feel that I need to address it.
The last thing that I want is for any of you to take this post of mine to heart. Please do not be demoralised or anything because of what you are reading. It is on my conscience solely. This is my problem. I know what I did and what I didn't do. Most of you, all of you in fact, have probably worked harder than I have. And to tell the truth, I'm not surprised. I have been a complete slacker and everytime I step out of the hall, I feel like crying? Irrationality? Maybe. But to me, it's my reality and it's what I have to face every bloody single day of my life.
What do I want? Well, it's really hard to say right now. Maybe I want my sanity back, I don't know. But what I do know is that I spend every waking hour thinking about my next paper, my o'levels, my future. My life. Call it going overboard if you wish but I am very forward thinking, and sometimes it is an extremely bad thing. Moderation? Do I want that? Sometimes. Yeah, sometimes I wish it were that easy. 'hmm... nah I didn't do that well. there's always moderation!' I am such a dumb blonde. Could I actually think it was that easy? But sometimes, I don't want moderation. Sometimes I think moderation will ruin everything. God what has become of me, I'm losing my mind.
I know I sound utterly pathetic. Trust me, I see it too. But if you see it the way I do, you'll realize that all my irrationality is coming from this sore spot in my being that is just absorbing my confidence from me like a recently purchased sponge from WalMart. And this spot, the core of my negativity and the reason for the absence of that positivity I am soo used to, is getting bigger.
Syafiqah, Siska and Mary, sorry I didn't exactly tell you about this, I did not intend to let it all out in a blur of stupidity like this. Sorry, I love you guys.
Nabilah, sorry I didn't keep my promise babe. Sorry. Grad nite is too far away.
Zafran, if you do read this, I'm sorry. The last thing I want to do is make you sad. I know you hate seeing me like this. So I truly am sorry.
well...
People, I am going crazy and I really don't know why. Let me just establish now that I am not confident at all for my O'levels. I don't even think I can get into a proper JC. Some of you are going to call me stupid and all that but trust me, I am not hardworking and I am not smart. I am just plain lucky. I really don't know why I am deprocating myself this low but I am confident that I'm right. Many of you, might think that I am hardworking or am smart. But really, I am not. Don't try to contradict me I know I what I am.
I know its too late to dwell over this but really, I just cannot take it anymore. It's been accumulating inside of me for so long that I feel that it's going to burst out anytime and I'll be screaming and pulling my hair, jumping about the school compound and screaming about how I'm so thirsty and about my Aunt Sophie and how she left her purse at the bank. Really, I just feel that I need to address it.
The last thing that I want is for any of you to take this post of mine to heart. Please do not be demoralised or anything because of what you are reading. It is on my conscience solely. This is my problem. I know what I did and what I didn't do. Most of you, all of you in fact, have probably worked harder than I have. And to tell the truth, I'm not surprised. I have been a complete slacker and everytime I step out of the hall, I feel like crying? Irrationality? Maybe. But to me, it's my reality and it's what I have to face every bloody single day of my life.
What do I want? Well, it's really hard to say right now. Maybe I want my sanity back, I don't know. But what I do know is that I spend every waking hour thinking about my next paper, my o'levels, my future. My life. Call it going overboard if you wish but I am very forward thinking, and sometimes it is an extremely bad thing. Moderation? Do I want that? Sometimes. Yeah, sometimes I wish it were that easy. 'hmm... nah I didn't do that well. there's always moderation!' I am such a dumb blonde. Could I actually think it was that easy? But sometimes, I don't want moderation. Sometimes I think moderation will ruin everything. God what has become of me, I'm losing my mind.
I know I sound utterly pathetic. Trust me, I see it too. But if you see it the way I do, you'll realize that all my irrationality is coming from this sore spot in my being that is just absorbing my confidence from me like a recently purchased sponge from WalMart. And this spot, the core of my negativity and the reason for the absence of that positivity I am soo used to, is getting bigger.
Syafiqah, Siska and Mary, sorry I didn't exactly tell you about this, I did not intend to let it all out in a blur of stupidity like this. Sorry, I love you guys.
Nabilah, sorry I didn't keep my promise babe. Sorry. Grad nite is too far away.
Zafran, if you do read this, I'm sorry. The last thing I want to do is make you sad. I know you hate seeing me like this. So I truly am sorry.
self-proclamation.
My life is not a fascination worth the scrutiny of those who watch over me. Yet, I live amongst thin air and sparkling personalities.
I am an avid fan of the KoreanPop scene. So bring me to the number thirteen.
read my lips.
they're watching.
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