It's bad enough knowing yourself, but to have your secrets and negativity shoved in your face without your consent is such a pain. It's not as though I am stupid or anything. I mean, I know what and how I do things but I do them anyway because I am what I am. I cannot change the way I am for the likes of anyone. You don't have to tell me that I'm bad. I already know that.



I know I'm bad.



You could have told it to my face, you know. The truth. How you really felt. There is no need to cower behind a computer screen and mock through pixels and letters. Where is the essence behind the taunting? There is strictly no need to tell me things I already know just to make me feel like a loser. It's bad enough that I have to pretend to put up with it. Painful in fact. Painful to just give a sarcastic smirk and walk away, pretending that I am unharmed when in fact, the extent of damage is indescribable.



You need not be the part of my ramblings. I understand. You read because you want to grasp something from me. A part of me. My history, my writing, my attitude. You come here, to this blog, so that you can hold something against me. Do you really think I'm perfect? No one is. I have flaws and imperfections. Who doesn't? I cheat, I lie, I covet. Only at times. Don't you? Don't you make mistakes? So what really is your problem? Is it because you think I'm perfect or because you're fighting so hard to be a paragon of perfection because you think your life is not good enough?



So what are you doing?


That's right. Go and make things worse. Go and continue in your struggle to feel better about yourself. Like you're doing the right thing. You know, I don't need this. I've got problems of my own and I don't need your help to make me feel more down than I already am.



Why do I feel so constricted? Why can't I say what I want to say anymore? Why can't I say the things I want to say to you? You want to know why? Because there are people who read this blog who are important to me, or are important to people who are close to me. Like my parents, my family. I need to watch what I say. I see that now. And no thanks to you either. It is because of you that I have half a mind to just write one word and get it over with. But I won't. I am stronger than that while you are weak and pathetic, trembling behind an object of technology that masks your true cowardice.



Take off the mask.


I dare you. I dare you to say what you want to say.



But of course, you won't do it. You want to know why? Because you're afraid. Afraid of something you can never find understanding and come to terms to. And I would never blame you for being afraid. Because when you're afraid, you know that that there is something out there that you cannot afford to lose. I would in fact, remark you on that. I would give a genuine smile and say: Wow. He's not an alien robot.



And that is when I will walk away.



I'm satisfied. I think I have said what I wanted to say. And now I still have a decision to make because twice I see today that I need to watch the way I blog. But how?

My life is not a fascination worth the scrutiny of those who watch over me. Yet, I live amongst thin air and sparkling personalities. I am an avid fan of the KoreanPop scene. So bring me to the number thirteen.

♥♥

HULABAGI

♥

Siska(HU)

♥

Mary(LA)

♥

Syaf(BA)

♥

OMG09S104!

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