Tuesday, January 13, 2009/4:42 PM
Okay, I promised a rundown of what happened yesterday so HERE I AM. The 12th of January was definitely a remarkable day for all of us who were present. It was a day of mixed emotions and feelings. It's as if everyone was PMS-ing.
In the WEE hours of the morning(well not that early, this is HULABAGI we are talking about) at around 10, I was expecting three young ladies for guests. At around nine fifty a.m I was still vacuuming my house and cleaning up my room (yes girls, this is what I do for you). This was their expected time of arrival:
Siska: 10a.m
Maryam: 10.30a.m
Syafiqah: 11a.m
But at ten fifteen, no show from SISKA but I got a call from Mary asking me to go down and get her. So with PSP in hand, I dragged myself out of my house to fetch Mary from Loyang Point. When I approached her and when she hadn't noticed me yet, her face showed signs of worry and remorse (for what I also don't know). First thing she said to me was 'WAH TEN MINUTES AH.' followed by a 'NAMIRA I DON'T WANT TO FAIL MATHS'.
I brought her over and I sat her down and we watched the Golden Globes together. It was really funny and we kept laughing at everything. Syafiqah called then to ask whether she could come over earlier and I said of course she could. When she arrived (NOTE: Siska hasn't arrived yet) her hair was down and she looked calm and the first thing she said to me was 'OH MY GOD NAMIRA DID YOU SEE JOHNNY DEPP ON THE GOLDEN GLOBES JUST NOW?' And I was like... No, I missed it. When in my heart I was silently grieving upon missing the great presence of Mr.Depp.
While all three of us were watching tv SISKA arrived (FINALLY) and when I went to open the door for her, all she could say was 'HEH HEH. EH NAMIRA, YOU KNOW WHEN YOU CALLED ME JUST NOW RIGHT, I JUST WOKE UP YOU KNOW.' Did I mention that I called her at ten fifteen?
So HULABAGI had reunited. And when we had, the jitters came crashing back and we were nervous once again. Well at least we had company.
The girls kept disturbing me for disturbing my brother, Hakim. Well hello? He was acting like a naughty boy. My mom was there! Haha. Yeah.
We watched the golden globes while I was desperately searching for JOHNNY DEPP's face but failed. After a while I switched off the television and we had 'lunch' and watched ANASTASIA which was beautiful. After a while, the girls got tired of just sitting still and when Siska asked 'Namira, can I see your room?' I immediately panicked because my room is a disaster area. Thank God I cleaned it up before they came.
The girls played with my guitar which had a string missing (yes my guitar, you heard me), played with my matches and candles and we acting like a cult, writing their names on my mirror with a whiteboard marker, burning a scrap of paper the found with the candle, taking candle wax and dipping their fingers inside and all sorts of things.
We watched our nostalgic video on YOUTUBE of us singing Oh Mother when we were all professionally singing and not walking off stage and all that and were having a good laugh in my balcony. While they played in my room, I went to iron my uniform. I could hear laughter and chatter coming from my room.
When it was finally time to leave, I abandoned the girls for a while to say my words of farewell to my mother. I told her I was nervous and she was all Don't Worry and I gave her a hug and told her I love her because she was my strength throughout everything. After the girls bid farewell to my mother, we left, with a hole in our lurching hearts as we pondered upon the results awaiting for us at school.
We walked to school, at times silently, at times bellowing out some random song just to distract ourselves. My girls were so incredibly nervous. Mary was afraid for her maths and prayed for 100% passes for mathematics, Siska was incredibly nervous and was worried about disappointing her parents, Syafiqah was collected but when she did speak of her results her voice was a tad shrill and worrying.
Oh God, what was coming for us? The problem was, we didn't know. The problems also was, we were about to find out.
When we were approaching school, I sang Once upon a December from the movie Anastasia because it fit so well with everything. Mary and Siska told me to stop because it was making the more nervous but Syafiqah urged me to continue because I was her 'tonic'. Aw. that's so sweet.
We saw everyone going up to the hall and we were like 'WHAT?! WE'RE GOING UP ALREADY? WHAT I'M NOT READY. I DON'T WANT TO GO UP.' And we realised we weren't the only ones afraid. A whole group of four eight students were eyeing the staircase up nervously and others we just trembling because we were in such close proximity to our future.
At the hall, I felt the air in the atmosphere a bit colder than usual and my legs were feeling weak all of a sudden. I saw everybody sitting in classes and I saw Zafran. When I saw him, I felt a little reassured. No matter what happens, I will always have Hulabagi, and I will always have Zafran. I wanted to sit beside him because he was MY tonic but we had to sit in register order. And I wouldn't have had it any other way because Nadzirah is one person that can make me feel hopeful and brave because she's been my good friend for two years already.
I met Mrs. Sheri's eyes and she gave me a look for a long moment but looked away quickly. 'What was she hiding? DID I DO BADLY? crap crap crap crap crap.' I started to get paranoid. I shook Syafiqah's hand because I wanted to. And I sat down, waiting for a voice to fill the air.
And it did.
Mrs. Sheri welcomed us all, and acknowledged Mr. Ong as Doctor. Ong. That was a comic relief and everyone laughed nervously. He started with the quote:
To accomplish any goal, you need a dream. You need to see yourself making it happen. But it goes beyond the idea and the vision. You have to do your homework. You have to put your goals in writing, plan your steps and take them one at a time.
There was this girl he spoke of. A girl who asked for his signature for a Bursary Award she had the oppurtunity of receiving. A girl who said 'Sure, no problem.' when he asked to quote the saying on the wall and did so effortlessly. Yupe. That girl was me. HAHAHAHA. Which is funny when you look at it from my angle.
Started off. Then Mrs. Sheri claimed the mike once again to say the names of those who did well and scored four or more distinctions. When the title did come out, there was a sharp intake of breath from the entire cohort. This was what we were waiting for wasn't it? Oh God, help us all. We were all so scared. I closed my eyes and prayed.
FOUR DISTINCTIONS: I saw Syafiqah's name and nearly cried because I was so happy for her. I wanted to scream but my heart was in my throat. I was so proud of her I nearly forgot my apprehension.
FIVE DISTINCTIONS: I wanted to cry here as well because my name wasn't up there. At this point of time, I had already surrendered all hope of getting any recognition. In my mind, it was five distinctions or nothing. BUT MERIDYN GOT FIVE DISTINCTIONS. I SCREAMED LIKE HELL FOR MY MEI.
SIX DISTINCTIONS: I saw Farreha's name first and I started screaming. BUT THEN I SAW MY FREAKING NAME. Namira Binte Abdul Nasir, so beautifully written. And then I started crying. I was so overcomed with emotion I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't stand up because I was so shocked. Everyone was like screaming at me because I wasn't standing up. When I did because I was the last one to take it, I could hear the lyrics 'There can be miracles, when you believe...' in my heart. I went to shake Dr. Ong (yes I call him that now because I respect him) and I could hear Zameerul and Mustaqim shouting 'WOOOOOH JENNY! BAIK AH JENNY!' Mrs. Sheri winked at me and I mouthed thank you to her because she is the best teacher ever. When I shook his hand I wanted to say 'I was that girl who said the quote to you' to him but I sounded so choked up. BWAHAHAHAHA. I WANTED TO DANCE ON STAGE.
Barely made it back because I was so weak. Everything moved so fast after that. All I could think about was my mother and father. Their reactions to my results. My parents, everything they've done for me. SO I cried some more because I would be NOTHING without them. I love them so much. Mama and Abah, thank you so much for blessing me with your love and support.
When I finally woke up, Yang Ting was leaning behind and was telling me not to cry and started patting my knee. I love you sister. She made me laugh and I felt so appreciative of her. Shabrina gave me tissues and I love her so much. Nadzirah was there congratulating me and I love her. I turned to Siska because she was crying. SHE PASSED ENGLISH. SHE WAS SO FREAKING OVER THE MOON and I went to her hugged her and cried with her all over again. It was not helping that me and Siska was both moody at the time. BUT WHO CARES. I WAS SO HAPPY FOR HER.
I searched for a face but Syafiqah came up to me instead to tell me MARYAM PASSED MATHS. I WAS LIKE I KNEW IT AND WENT TO MARYAM. Mary, sobbing hysterically leaned on my shoulder and wept 'Namira.... I passed Maths..' I hugged her and told her 'I TOLD YOU SO.' I wanted to throw a party for her! MARYAM PASSED MATHS OKAY? I love all of you Hulabagi.
The face I looked for was not there.
Suddenly when I was sitting down, Zafran was there. He congratulated me and I asked him how much he got. He said.. 'Not so good' with a voice so sad I wanted to cry. He didn't sit down with me and my heart fell. He didn't want to talk about it so I let him walk away after a half-hearted smirk. The first thing I thought, 'Was it my fault.' I shook off the idea because I knew he'd hate me thinking like that. But it was nagging at me.
I went to talk to my other friends like Nabilah, Alyah, Hadi, Azmi, John and all that. I passed Hadi the money I owed him and congratulated him for getting 10 like me! I talked to John for a bit and I promised him an outing. I gave both Nabilah and Alyah hugs I promised them.
Oh yeah. I called my parents. SCREAMING. MY MOM SCREAMED. My dad seemed softer than usual. I SAW NADIA AND I HUGGED HER BECAUSE I LOVE MY SISTER.
Went back inside and mustered all the courage I had and talked to MRS. LOW. GASP. I apologised for everything and all the trouble I had put her through. I thanked her for scolding me all the time and the dress she gave me for my birthday. I hugged her because I have to admit, I ike her alot and she said 'Nobody is going after you in JC. It's all you.' I love you Mrs. Low.
I looked around at my school. My hall. My friends. My family for FOUR amazing years. I nearly cried when I said my final goodbye to Jun Hong and Eng Liang because I love them so much. When I walked out of school with my Hulabagi girls, I felt a stab in my heart for leaving. I love you PRCS. Please don't change. Well, don't change totally. Keep the librarian. She's really nice.
Went to IN with my girls, all the time feeling a burden in myself for the entire thing. I called Zafran to ask where he was, he told me he was wandering. I was so worried but I shan't elaborate. Me and the girls looked back on everything we've underwent. How extremely happy we were with our results. The whole Half JC and Half Poly thing. But one thing we never talked about was our seperation. I think we were trying to avoid the subject at all costs subconsciously.
I don't see any reason to talk about it now.
I would like to post some SHOUTOUTS now because I want to.
TO FARREHA: Congratulations FOR GETTING TOP STUDENT BABE! you are absolutely an inspiration! congrats congrats congrats! WILL MISS YOU!
To SLMD: Thank you for your wish on your blog. I am eternally grateful for everything you've done. Please, please, please don't be too hard on yourself because you were the strongest motivation he ever had. He cannot thank you enough for everything you've done. He loves you.
To MOM AND DAD: Dear Parents, you will always be in my prayer. Thank you for everything that you have given me. Scoldings, clothes, food and all that. You are the best two people in my life and I love you so much.
TO HULABAGI: SISKA MARYAM AND SYAFIQAH. You guys don't know how much an impact you've made in my life. I cannot express my heartfelt devotion to you guys. I love every minute I spend with you guys. Thank you for being there. INFINITE X's AND O's.
To Zafran: My dearest Zafran. Thank you for entering my life. I cannot express how much I am grateful for everything you've helped me with. For your reassurances, your words and motivation. It won't have been the same without you. I'm sorry. I love you, Zafran. Please please know that.
In the WEE hours of the morning(well not that early, this is HULABAGI we are talking about) at around 10, I was expecting three young ladies for guests. At around nine fifty a.m I was still vacuuming my house and cleaning up my room (yes girls, this is what I do for you). This was their expected time of arrival:
Siska: 10a.m
Maryam: 10.30a.m
Syafiqah: 11a.m
But at ten fifteen, no show from SISKA but I got a call from Mary asking me to go down and get her. So with PSP in hand, I dragged myself out of my house to fetch Mary from Loyang Point. When I approached her and when she hadn't noticed me yet, her face showed signs of worry and remorse (for what I also don't know). First thing she said to me was 'WAH TEN MINUTES AH.' followed by a 'NAMIRA I DON'T WANT TO FAIL MATHS'.
I brought her over and I sat her down and we watched the Golden Globes together. It was really funny and we kept laughing at everything. Syafiqah called then to ask whether she could come over earlier and I said of course she could. When she arrived (NOTE: Siska hasn't arrived yet) her hair was down and she looked calm and the first thing she said to me was 'OH MY GOD NAMIRA DID YOU SEE JOHNNY DEPP ON THE GOLDEN GLOBES JUST NOW?' And I was like... No, I missed it. When in my heart I was silently grieving upon missing the great presence of Mr.Depp.
While all three of us were watching tv SISKA arrived (FINALLY) and when I went to open the door for her, all she could say was 'HEH HEH. EH NAMIRA, YOU KNOW WHEN YOU CALLED ME JUST NOW RIGHT, I JUST WOKE UP YOU KNOW.' Did I mention that I called her at ten fifteen?
So HULABAGI had reunited. And when we had, the jitters came crashing back and we were nervous once again. Well at least we had company.
The girls kept disturbing me for disturbing my brother, Hakim. Well hello? He was acting like a naughty boy. My mom was there! Haha. Yeah.
We watched the golden globes while I was desperately searching for JOHNNY DEPP's face but failed. After a while I switched off the television and we had 'lunch' and watched ANASTASIA which was beautiful. After a while, the girls got tired of just sitting still and when Siska asked 'Namira, can I see your room?' I immediately panicked because my room is a disaster area. Thank God I cleaned it up before they came.
The girls played with my guitar which had a string missing (yes my guitar, you heard me), played with my matches and candles and we acting like a cult, writing their names on my mirror with a whiteboard marker, burning a scrap of paper the found with the candle, taking candle wax and dipping their fingers inside and all sorts of things.
We watched our nostalgic video on YOUTUBE of us singing Oh Mother when we were all professionally singing and not walking off stage and all that and were having a good laugh in my balcony. While they played in my room, I went to iron my uniform. I could hear laughter and chatter coming from my room.
When it was finally time to leave, I abandoned the girls for a while to say my words of farewell to my mother. I told her I was nervous and she was all Don't Worry and I gave her a hug and told her I love her because she was my strength throughout everything. After the girls bid farewell to my mother, we left, with a hole in our lurching hearts as we pondered upon the results awaiting for us at school.
We walked to school, at times silently, at times bellowing out some random song just to distract ourselves. My girls were so incredibly nervous. Mary was afraid for her maths and prayed for 100% passes for mathematics, Siska was incredibly nervous and was worried about disappointing her parents, Syafiqah was collected but when she did speak of her results her voice was a tad shrill and worrying.
Oh God, what was coming for us? The problem was, we didn't know. The problems also was, we were about to find out.
When we were approaching school, I sang Once upon a December from the movie Anastasia because it fit so well with everything. Mary and Siska told me to stop because it was making the more nervous but Syafiqah urged me to continue because I was her 'tonic'. Aw. that's so sweet.
We saw everyone going up to the hall and we were like 'WHAT?! WE'RE GOING UP ALREADY? WHAT I'M NOT READY. I DON'T WANT TO GO UP.' And we realised we weren't the only ones afraid. A whole group of four eight students were eyeing the staircase up nervously and others we just trembling because we were in such close proximity to our future.
At the hall, I felt the air in the atmosphere a bit colder than usual and my legs were feeling weak all of a sudden. I saw everybody sitting in classes and I saw Zafran. When I saw him, I felt a little reassured. No matter what happens, I will always have Hulabagi, and I will always have Zafran. I wanted to sit beside him because he was MY tonic but we had to sit in register order. And I wouldn't have had it any other way because Nadzirah is one person that can make me feel hopeful and brave because she's been my good friend for two years already.
I met Mrs. Sheri's eyes and she gave me a look for a long moment but looked away quickly. 'What was she hiding? DID I DO BADLY? crap crap crap crap crap.' I started to get paranoid. I shook Syafiqah's hand because I wanted to. And I sat down, waiting for a voice to fill the air.
And it did.
Mrs. Sheri welcomed us all, and acknowledged Mr. Ong as Doctor. Ong. That was a comic relief and everyone laughed nervously. He started with the quote:
To accomplish any goal, you need a dream. You need to see yourself making it happen. But it goes beyond the idea and the vision. You have to do your homework. You have to put your goals in writing, plan your steps and take them one at a time.
There was this girl he spoke of. A girl who asked for his signature for a Bursary Award she had the oppurtunity of receiving. A girl who said 'Sure, no problem.' when he asked to quote the saying on the wall and did so effortlessly. Yupe. That girl was me. HAHAHAHA. Which is funny when you look at it from my angle.
Started off. Then Mrs. Sheri claimed the mike once again to say the names of those who did well and scored four or more distinctions. When the title did come out, there was a sharp intake of breath from the entire cohort. This was what we were waiting for wasn't it? Oh God, help us all. We were all so scared. I closed my eyes and prayed.
FOUR DISTINCTIONS: I saw Syafiqah's name and nearly cried because I was so happy for her. I wanted to scream but my heart was in my throat. I was so proud of her I nearly forgot my apprehension.
FIVE DISTINCTIONS: I wanted to cry here as well because my name wasn't up there. At this point of time, I had already surrendered all hope of getting any recognition. In my mind, it was five distinctions or nothing. BUT MERIDYN GOT FIVE DISTINCTIONS. I SCREAMED LIKE HELL FOR MY MEI.
SIX DISTINCTIONS: I saw Farreha's name first and I started screaming. BUT THEN I SAW MY FREAKING NAME. Namira Binte Abdul Nasir, so beautifully written. And then I started crying. I was so overcomed with emotion I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't stand up because I was so shocked. Everyone was like screaming at me because I wasn't standing up. When I did because I was the last one to take it, I could hear the lyrics 'There can be miracles, when you believe...' in my heart. I went to shake Dr. Ong (yes I call him that now because I respect him) and I could hear Zameerul and Mustaqim shouting 'WOOOOOH JENNY! BAIK AH JENNY!' Mrs. Sheri winked at me and I mouthed thank you to her because she is the best teacher ever. When I shook his hand I wanted to say 'I was that girl who said the quote to you' to him but I sounded so choked up. BWAHAHAHAHA. I WANTED TO DANCE ON STAGE.
Barely made it back because I was so weak. Everything moved so fast after that. All I could think about was my mother and father. Their reactions to my results. My parents, everything they've done for me. SO I cried some more because I would be NOTHING without them. I love them so much. Mama and Abah, thank you so much for blessing me with your love and support.
When I finally woke up, Yang Ting was leaning behind and was telling me not to cry and started patting my knee. I love you sister. She made me laugh and I felt so appreciative of her. Shabrina gave me tissues and I love her so much. Nadzirah was there congratulating me and I love her. I turned to Siska because she was crying. SHE PASSED ENGLISH. SHE WAS SO FREAKING OVER THE MOON and I went to her hugged her and cried with her all over again. It was not helping that me and Siska was both moody at the time. BUT WHO CARES. I WAS SO HAPPY FOR HER.
I searched for a face but Syafiqah came up to me instead to tell me MARYAM PASSED MATHS. I WAS LIKE I KNEW IT AND WENT TO MARYAM. Mary, sobbing hysterically leaned on my shoulder and wept 'Namira.... I passed Maths..' I hugged her and told her 'I TOLD YOU SO.' I wanted to throw a party for her! MARYAM PASSED MATHS OKAY? I love all of you Hulabagi.
The face I looked for was not there.
Suddenly when I was sitting down, Zafran was there. He congratulated me and I asked him how much he got. He said.. 'Not so good' with a voice so sad I wanted to cry. He didn't sit down with me and my heart fell. He didn't want to talk about it so I let him walk away after a half-hearted smirk. The first thing I thought, 'Was it my fault.' I shook off the idea because I knew he'd hate me thinking like that. But it was nagging at me.
I went to talk to my other friends like Nabilah, Alyah, Hadi, Azmi, John and all that. I passed Hadi the money I owed him and congratulated him for getting 10 like me! I talked to John for a bit and I promised him an outing. I gave both Nabilah and Alyah hugs I promised them.
Oh yeah. I called my parents. SCREAMING. MY MOM SCREAMED. My dad seemed softer than usual. I SAW NADIA AND I HUGGED HER BECAUSE I LOVE MY SISTER.
Went back inside and mustered all the courage I had and talked to MRS. LOW. GASP. I apologised for everything and all the trouble I had put her through. I thanked her for scolding me all the time and the dress she gave me for my birthday. I hugged her because I have to admit, I ike her alot and she said 'Nobody is going after you in JC. It's all you.' I love you Mrs. Low.
I looked around at my school. My hall. My friends. My family for FOUR amazing years. I nearly cried when I said my final goodbye to Jun Hong and Eng Liang because I love them so much. When I walked out of school with my Hulabagi girls, I felt a stab in my heart for leaving. I love you PRCS. Please don't change. Well, don't change totally. Keep the librarian. She's really nice.
Went to IN with my girls, all the time feeling a burden in myself for the entire thing. I called Zafran to ask where he was, he told me he was wandering. I was so worried but I shan't elaborate. Me and the girls looked back on everything we've underwent. How extremely happy we were with our results. The whole Half JC and Half Poly thing. But one thing we never talked about was our seperation. I think we were trying to avoid the subject at all costs subconsciously.
I don't see any reason to talk about it now.
I would like to post some SHOUTOUTS now because I want to.
TO FARREHA: Congratulations FOR GETTING TOP STUDENT BABE! you are absolutely an inspiration! congrats congrats congrats! WILL MISS YOU!
To SLMD: Thank you for your wish on your blog. I am eternally grateful for everything you've done. Please, please, please don't be too hard on yourself because you were the strongest motivation he ever had. He cannot thank you enough for everything you've done. He loves you.
To MOM AND DAD: Dear Parents, you will always be in my prayer. Thank you for everything that you have given me. Scoldings, clothes, food and all that. You are the best two people in my life and I love you so much.
TO HULABAGI: SISKA MARYAM AND SYAFIQAH. You guys don't know how much an impact you've made in my life. I cannot express my heartfelt devotion to you guys. I love every minute I spend with you guys. Thank you for being there. INFINITE X's AND O's.
To Zafran: My dearest Zafran. Thank you for entering my life. I cannot express how much I am grateful for everything you've helped me with. For your reassurances, your words and motivation. It won't have been the same without you. I'm sorry. I love you, Zafran. Please please know that.
self-proclamation.
My life is not a fascination worth the scrutiny of those who watch over me. Yet, I live amongst thin air and sparkling personalities.
I am an avid fan of the KoreanPop scene. So bring me to the number thirteen.
read my lips.
they're watching.
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