Saturday, April 11, 2009/3:30 PM
you know those people who go from house to house and ask you to buy stuff? I hate it, absolutely hate it, when someone comes to my house and offers me something I don't want. not because I hate the people per say, but more that I hate the feeling that they give me if I refuse. I just can't stand it.
one day, when a man came to my house to sell some crackers or something, I was alone at home. I couldn't cower in my room and let that man continue shouting into my open front door, knowing that he won't stop unless someone goes out and greets him.
me: hi (slowly and cowardly opens room door)
man: hello, are your parents home? (in malay)
me: no, I'm sorry they're not. (in malay also)
man: oh, well I'm sure you have eight dollars to spare. would you like to buy some crackers?
me: no, I'm sorry I don't have any money. (pathetic excuse)
man: please. I need the money.
me: but I don't have any.
man: but I have three children at home to feed.
me: oh God. (at this point I was on the verge of tears)
as you can see, I have a very strong gulity conscience. most of you need not have any reminders about this phobia of mine. I've only touched on it about a million times.
as the years pass, I have gained a certain knowledge about how to defend myself from such people. it's worked for some, but for others who still persist, these methods may not be effective. so if you're like me, these measures may come in handy.
1. turn on the guilty conscience in them instead.
if they ask you for money, come up with some pathetic story that might make them less persistent. for example, this was one of my experiences using this method.
man: would you like to buy a ten dollar charity coupon?
namira: oh, ten dollars? I wish I had that.
man: excuse me?
namira: i'm sorry, but you see last week, when my teacher went around asking my class for ten dollars for my class fund... oh ten dollars! how coincidential.(gestures to coupons) well, when I didn't have any money, my classmates laughed at me. I sort of cried. it was pretty awful.
man: oh.
advantages of this method: these salesperson perople don't really care about your story or your life. if your story is long enough, they'll get bored or feel awkward and would want to get out of there as quickly as possible.
disadvantages: it's hard to keep a straight face.
2. pretend you don't speak malay/english.
this is one of my favourite methods. I use this method most frequently. see, these sales persons are usually monolingual. use this method carefully and they'll end usually end up just saying 'never mind' or walking away. another experience for you.
woman: hi adik, nak beli beg tangan ni tak? murah je dik. lapan dolar sahaja. tolong lah dik, akak kene bayar bill nanti. (hello young lady, would you like to buy a handbag? it's really cheap. only eight dollars. please help me, I have to pay my bills later on.)
namira: excuse me? what did you say?
woman: er. adik nak beli beg? (er. do you want to buy a bag?)
namira: i'm sorry, I don't understand.
woman: you... buy... beg?
namira: huh? you want me to what?
woman: ah takpe ah. tak guna punye budak. (oh sod it. no use of a teengaer) [she really said this]
advantages: it's really effective and really funny. you can laugh about it later.
disadvantages: sometimes, they're bilingual or know simple english. in this case, languages like french or japanese would come in handy.
3. ask them questions instead.
elaborate on the use of the product and go on and on until they'll get bored or something. keep asking them questions until they'll eventually not know what to do. warning: this is for those of you who have time.
experience:
man: hello little girl. are you interested in a new umbrella? (this guy was lugging around umbrellas around singapore. he had about twenty in his carrier. oh yeah this happened last year. little girl? yeah, sure.)
namira: an umbrella? wow. where were they made?
man: (takes out notebook from shirt pocket and starts reading. picks up an umbrella and begins to turn it over and over looking for the Made In China sign.) errrrr...... ummm. CHINA. that's it. it was made in China.
namira: ooh. what's it made of?
man: (consults notes again. feels umbrella between fingers..) umm... cloth? namira: CLOTH? wouldn't that be like bad in the rain? cloth would get wet and soaked and it won't be very useful. (tries not to laugh)
man: err. really? okay then never mind.
advantages: you really get to know more about the product if the salesperson is knowledgable enough.
disadvantages: you really get to know more about the product if the salesperson is knowledgable enough.
I like these methods. they make me less guilt ridden. I hate feeling guilty. it's sort of overwhelming for me.
one day, when a man came to my house to sell some crackers or something, I was alone at home. I couldn't cower in my room and let that man continue shouting into my open front door, knowing that he won't stop unless someone goes out and greets him.
me: hi (slowly and cowardly opens room door)
man: hello, are your parents home? (in malay)
me: no, I'm sorry they're not. (in malay also)
man: oh, well I'm sure you have eight dollars to spare. would you like to buy some crackers?
me: no, I'm sorry I don't have any money. (pathetic excuse)
man: please. I need the money.
me: but I don't have any.
man: but I have three children at home to feed.
me: oh God. (at this point I was on the verge of tears)
as you can see, I have a very strong gulity conscience. most of you need not have any reminders about this phobia of mine. I've only touched on it about a million times.
as the years pass, I have gained a certain knowledge about how to defend myself from such people. it's worked for some, but for others who still persist, these methods may not be effective. so if you're like me, these measures may come in handy.
1. turn on the guilty conscience in them instead.
if they ask you for money, come up with some pathetic story that might make them less persistent. for example, this was one of my experiences using this method.
man: would you like to buy a ten dollar charity coupon?
namira: oh, ten dollars? I wish I had that.
man: excuse me?
namira: i'm sorry, but you see last week, when my teacher went around asking my class for ten dollars for my class fund... oh ten dollars! how coincidential.(gestures to coupons) well, when I didn't have any money, my classmates laughed at me. I sort of cried. it was pretty awful.
man: oh.
advantages of this method: these salesperson perople don't really care about your story or your life. if your story is long enough, they'll get bored or feel awkward and would want to get out of there as quickly as possible.
disadvantages: it's hard to keep a straight face.
2. pretend you don't speak malay/english.
this is one of my favourite methods. I use this method most frequently. see, these sales persons are usually monolingual. use this method carefully and they'll end usually end up just saying 'never mind' or walking away. another experience for you.
woman: hi adik, nak beli beg tangan ni tak? murah je dik. lapan dolar sahaja. tolong lah dik, akak kene bayar bill nanti. (hello young lady, would you like to buy a handbag? it's really cheap. only eight dollars. please help me, I have to pay my bills later on.)
namira: excuse me? what did you say?
woman: er. adik nak beli beg? (er. do you want to buy a bag?)
namira: i'm sorry, I don't understand.
woman: you... buy... beg?
namira: huh? you want me to what?
woman: ah takpe ah. tak guna punye budak. (oh sod it. no use of a teengaer) [she really said this]
advantages: it's really effective and really funny. you can laugh about it later.
disadvantages: sometimes, they're bilingual or know simple english. in this case, languages like french or japanese would come in handy.
3. ask them questions instead.
elaborate on the use of the product and go on and on until they'll get bored or something. keep asking them questions until they'll eventually not know what to do. warning: this is for those of you who have time.
experience:
man: hello little girl. are you interested in a new umbrella? (this guy was lugging around umbrellas around singapore. he had about twenty in his carrier. oh yeah this happened last year. little girl? yeah, sure.)
namira: an umbrella? wow. where were they made?
man: (takes out notebook from shirt pocket and starts reading. picks up an umbrella and begins to turn it over and over looking for the Made In China sign.) errrrr...... ummm. CHINA. that's it. it was made in China.
namira: ooh. what's it made of?
man: (consults notes again. feels umbrella between fingers..) umm... cloth? namira: CLOTH? wouldn't that be like bad in the rain? cloth would get wet and soaked and it won't be very useful. (tries not to laugh)
man: err. really? okay then never mind.
advantages: you really get to know more about the product if the salesperson is knowledgable enough.
disadvantages: you really get to know more about the product if the salesperson is knowledgable enough.
I like these methods. they make me less guilt ridden. I hate feeling guilty. it's sort of overwhelming for me.
self-proclamation.
My life is not a fascination worth the scrutiny of those who watch over me. Yet, I live amongst thin air and sparkling personalities.
I am an avid fan of the KoreanPop scene. So bring me to the number thirteen.
read my lips.
they're watching.
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