Thursday, July 02, 2009/10:46 PM
ugh. sorry I haven't been online to update frequently anymore. I'd proclaim a hiatus but I don't know, I just find it too cliche and if I really do start one, I'm bound to come running back to the computer in search of salvation anyway. So what's the point?
Sigh, so it's over. My first actual junior college examinations. Mid-year. ee, it sounds like a bad word on my tongue. I really can't help but cringe at the very thought of it considering how awful it went down. I've never been more unprepared for an exam in my life.
ohkay, actually I don't really prepare for exams but what the heck.
you know, for the day that I have my last examination like for now, it all happened pretty anti-climatic-ly. There were a turmoil of events today, all ranging from good and to freaking awful and it didn't help that my rollercoaster of moodswings was affecting my sense of judgement today.
I woke up at around, oh I don't know, THREE BLOODY O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. I don't know ah, I set my alarm for two you know! why? WHY?! because, I decided to sleep in last night. which means I arrive home, eat, bathe, sleep. no studying or whatever. to compensate, I thought, oh what the fish, might as well study in the freaking early hours of the freaking morning.
THEN, at SIX IN THE MORNING, I got an sms from my guardian angel, syafiqah, wishing me luck for my exams in the morning. she couldn't wish me in person because guess what? MY EXAMS WERE IN THE AFTERNOON. that is like soooofdfdsj fkddjskjgh. I wanted to reply her but my STOOOPID phone was jammed so I could only receive messages but not send them. WHAT>FPJKFDL. IS SONY ERRICSON like RETARDED OR SOMETHING. aaaaah. UGH.
so I tried sending her five similar messages that went like this,
I DON'T HAVE A PAPER? BAAAIIIIKKK. maybe I should not have woken up so early then. GOOD LUCK FOR LITERATURE SYAF. GO HEATHCLIFF OR WHAT'S HIS FACE.
but duhh I couldn't send it.
oh my goodness I am soooo bloody moody, in case you couldn't tell.
well so I went to sleep because I did not want to collapse during the exam. I went to study at McCafe with radyaman. that settled my mind a bit even though there was this little row we had about volume strengths and redox equations. my double chocolate ice latte (thanks siska and syaf for introducing it to me! I'm hooked by its creaminess yet coarseness!) was a godsend and it ferociously woke me up.
when I went to school, still in a daze by how absurdly random and insane my morning had just went, I took my temperature, ate my double cheeseburger in the computer lab and crammed whatever chemistry info I could in my brain before it exploded.
at this point, I knew I was done for. And so, I took a step back from my notes, closed my eyes and dreamed a time when I was happy. So I stood there, my arms a bit outstretched as if reaching for an invisible, yet unattainable fantasy, clinging to whatever remains of my old self. Praying that this beserk robot hadn't taken over my lifeless body permanently.
but when I opened my eyes, I stood there motionless, in the middle of a quiet, empty corridor. I imagined myself being as hollow as the corridor I temporarily inhabited. the air was still, unmoving. silence shrouded me, but occasionally, the shrieking laughter of carefree girls would pierce the quiet. how I envied them. I was carefree too.
was.
now I'm a girl who walks around murmuring to herself about dipole moments.
now I'm a girl who's idea of fun is sleeping.
now I'm a girl who goes to the library in her idea of recreation.
now I'm a girl who falls when she dances.
who cries when she falls. who falls when she cries.
who falls.
and can't seem to pick herself back up.
I don't know who I am anymore.
Sigh, so it's over. My first actual junior college examinations. Mid-year. ee, it sounds like a bad word on my tongue. I really can't help but cringe at the very thought of it considering how awful it went down. I've never been more unprepared for an exam in my life.
ohkay, actually I don't really prepare for exams but what the heck.
you know, for the day that I have my last examination like for now, it all happened pretty anti-climatic-ly. There were a turmoil of events today, all ranging from good and to freaking awful and it didn't help that my rollercoaster of moodswings was affecting my sense of judgement today.
I woke up at around, oh I don't know, THREE BLOODY O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. I don't know ah, I set my alarm for two you know! why? WHY?! because, I decided to sleep in last night. which means I arrive home, eat, bathe, sleep. no studying or whatever. to compensate, I thought, oh what the fish, might as well study in the freaking early hours of the freaking morning.
THEN, at SIX IN THE MORNING, I got an sms from my guardian angel, syafiqah, wishing me luck for my exams in the morning. she couldn't wish me in person because guess what? MY EXAMS WERE IN THE AFTERNOON. that is like soooofdfdsj fkddjskjgh. I wanted to reply her but my STOOOPID phone was jammed so I could only receive messages but not send them. WHAT>FPJKFDL. IS SONY ERRICSON like RETARDED OR SOMETHING. aaaaah. UGH.
so I tried sending her five similar messages that went like this,
I DON'T HAVE A PAPER? BAAAIIIIKKK. maybe I should not have woken up so early then. GOOD LUCK FOR LITERATURE SYAF. GO HEATHCLIFF OR WHAT'S HIS FACE.
but duhh I couldn't send it.
oh my goodness I am soooo bloody moody, in case you couldn't tell.
well so I went to sleep because I did not want to collapse during the exam. I went to study at McCafe with radyaman. that settled my mind a bit even though there was this little row we had about volume strengths and redox equations. my double chocolate ice latte (thanks siska and syaf for introducing it to me! I'm hooked by its creaminess yet coarseness!) was a godsend and it ferociously woke me up.
when I went to school, still in a daze by how absurdly random and insane my morning had just went, I took my temperature, ate my double cheeseburger in the computer lab and crammed whatever chemistry info I could in my brain before it exploded.
at this point, I knew I was done for. And so, I took a step back from my notes, closed my eyes and dreamed a time when I was happy. So I stood there, my arms a bit outstretched as if reaching for an invisible, yet unattainable fantasy, clinging to whatever remains of my old self. Praying that this beserk robot hadn't taken over my lifeless body permanently.
but when I opened my eyes, I stood there motionless, in the middle of a quiet, empty corridor. I imagined myself being as hollow as the corridor I temporarily inhabited. the air was still, unmoving. silence shrouded me, but occasionally, the shrieking laughter of carefree girls would pierce the quiet. how I envied them. I was carefree too.
was.
now I'm a girl who walks around murmuring to herself about dipole moments.
now I'm a girl who's idea of fun is sleeping.
now I'm a girl who goes to the library in her idea of recreation.
now I'm a girl who falls when she dances.
who cries when she falls. who falls when she cries.
who falls.
and can't seem to pick herself back up.
I don't know who I am anymore.
self-proclamation.
My life is not a fascination worth the scrutiny of those who watch over me. Yet, I live amongst thin air and sparkling personalities.
I am an avid fan of the KoreanPop scene. So bring me to the number thirteen.
read my lips.
they're watching.
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